


IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR...DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK

by ncsupnatfan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2018-12-27 20:12:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12088509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ncsupnatfan/pseuds/ncsupnatfan
Summary: This takes place in Season 4, Episode 22-Lucifer Rising. It picks up right after Dean and Sam have their big fight. Saw it again and decided to write my own version of what happened. This is AU with some Cannon and OC characters. This is my own creation for my Winchester Universe.





	1. Chapter 1

She was ten years old when she was lost to the humans. Her life had been filled with nothing but pain and sorrow and disappointment. No one was going to miss her or even think to report her missing. How she ended up in the woods and so far away from civilization, she no longer remembers. The name she was called for ten years was no longer in her memories since it meant nothing to her anymore. What she was called now could not be pronounced with the human tongue. She no longer considered herself a part of humanity since they never did anything to help her during those first ten years of her life. 

Alone, lost, and on the verge of dying, the child was found by a very powerful female Shaman who took pity on her and took her in. She nursed the child back to health and began to train her in the rituals of her people. The Shaman was very old, but the powers of her ancestors kept her strong and alive. Their teachings could only be passed to another female worthy of the honor. Even though the young girl was not of her blood or race, the Shaman deemed her pure and strong enough to pass on her teachings, so their traditions would not be lost. The girl eagerly accepted the Shaman’s training since this was the first time in her life that she felt loved by anyone. She worked hard and caught on quickly to the Shaman’s ways, completely giving herself over to the life. She grew strong and the ancestors accepted her life and rewarded her with their powers. 

The girl had been with the Shaman for forty years when the Shaman’s time finally came for her to join her ancestors. The new Shaman performed the necessary rituals allowing her to pass from this life to the next and allowed her to pass her knowledge and powers to the girl who was now a woman and the Shaman for the tribe. There were not many who still practiced the old ways, but a few still sought out her wisdom from time to time. She didn’t mind the solitude and her way of life and continued with her teachings. She wondered from time to time if she was going to be the last of the Shaman or if another lost child who needed saving would cross her path and she could began the process of passing on the knowledge and power she possessed. She did not see the one who would cross her path in the near future.

spn

The fight between the brothers was bloody and neither would accept defeat until the older brother lay panting for air as his younger brother stood over him, glaring down at him as he drew in long, hard breaths. He knew he had won this battle against his older brother even if he wouldn’t accept the fact that this was on him. He had to be the one to do this, he had to kill Lilith. Sam gave his brother, Dean, one final look before heading for the door.

“If you walk out that door....Don’t you ever come back!” Dean spat at him in a hoarse, hurting voice.

Sam faltered in his steps as the words struck him like a strong punch to the gut. Those words brought back the memories of another time when their father said the same thing when Sam announced he was going to college. The arguing had almost come to blows before he had gotten his things and left. His father’s same words bounced around in his head, Sam squared his shoulders and sucked in a quick breath but never looked back, never saw the look of defeat and regret on his brother’s face as tears streamed down Dean’s cheeks at the loss of his brother and the regret of what he had just said to Sam. He didn’t know why he did it, it wasn’t what he meant to say but now it was too late. Sam was gone from him and he didn’t know if he could ever get him back or if Sam would even want to come back. He didn’t think they could ever have the relationship they once had, he had chosen to go with a demon instead of his own brother. Dean knew that bitch, Ruby, had brainwashed him somehow, probably with the need for the damn blood. He knew Sam was addicted to it in a bad way and Dean didn’t know if he could come back from that.

spn

Bobby looked up from his work as a battered Dean let himself into the house. He looked behind him but didn’t see the Winchester he hoped to see. His spirit sagged with helplessness knowing there wasn’t anything he could do to change whatever had happened between the two brothers. He knew Dean had a temper like his Dad and Sam had a stubborn streak a mile long just like his Dad. No matter how much Sam denied it, he was so much like John in so many ways. He stood and headed to the kitchen to pour them both coffees and added a little whiskey to each cup and was going to try to get Dean to tell him what happened.

“Sit down, drink. You look like you could use it.” Bobby told him pushing the cup of coffee toward him.

Dean flopped down in the chair and groaned in pain from the movement. He picked up the coffee and sipped it letting the whiskey hopefully start numbing his hurting body. He didn’t speak to Bobby for several minutes as he continued to drink his spiked coffee.

Bobby knew better than to press Dean and let the boy take his time in talking. Nothing shut Dean down faster than trying to push him into doing something he wasn’t ready for. You had to have patience with him, not pressure him into doing what you wanted. 

“We fought and he left; he made his choice.” Dean said just loud enough for Bobby to hear. 

“I’m sorry son, but he’s still your brother. You know he’s blinded right now, he thinks what he’s doing is right.”

“I told him to choose, that if he walked out that door, not to come back. He knew what he was doing.” Dean sneered angrily slamming his cup down on the table and getting up to stand by the sink. 

Bobby pursed his lips and stared hard at Dean’s back.

“You know you sound just like yer Dad, he was an idjit too and a coward.” Bobby told him boldly.

Dean turned slowly around to stare hard at Bobby before answering.

“My Dad may of been a lot of things, but he was no coward.” 

“Yer Daddy was too afraid to admit he was wrong about Sam and never reached out to him. He should never have thrown him away like that. Just like you should never of said it either. No matter what, Sam’s still yer brother and he needs your support and help. You should call him; make things right between the two of you. Dean, you don‘t know what‘s going to happen, do you want to carry that burden with you the rest of your life if something happens to him? Don‘t be like yer Dad, you‘re better than him Dean.” Bobby said quietly trying to reason with him.

Before Dean could answer him, Castiel appeared beside him and spoke three words.

“It’s time Dean.” he said laying a hand on his shoulder and disappearing with him.

"Damn angels!" Bobby growled slamming his cup down on the table.

spn

Dean stumbled slightly when they suddenly appeared in a fancy decked out room, god knows where. His eyes swept the room taking in the plate of bacon, double cheeseburgers and tub of beer, the kind he liked. There were statues, portraits, velvet covered chairs, all fitting for a king. Dean stepped away from the angel and started to prowl the room trying to figure out where he was. He looked back and saw Castiel had disappeared, leaving him alone in the room. He thought about what Bobby had said and couldn’t in good conscious let what happen between them stand. Dean pulled his cell out and was surprised he had a dial tone and quickly punched in his brother’s cell number. He listened to it ring and hear Sam’s voice.

“This is Sam, leave me a message.” his voicemail said before a beep sounded.

“Hey, it’s me....Look, I’ll just get right to it, I’m still pissed and I owe you a serious beat down...I shouldn’t of said what I did. I’m not Dad. We’re brothers; family...No matter how bad it gets that doesn’t change. Sammy, I’m, sorry...” he ended as a beep cut him off. He just hoped Sam would listen to it and maybe, just maybe call him back. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders now that he took a step toward making amends with his brother. He just hoped he hadn’t waited too long to do that.

spn

He muttered under his breath about dick angels before stiffening and backing up when the other dick angel, Zachariah, popped up in front of him. 

“So Dean, you about ready to play your part?” he asked clapping his hands together. “Why don’t you have a burger or a beer? We got your favorite brand.”

“I’m ready, so where’s the bitch at?” Dean asked psyching himself for the task he needed to do.

“Well Dean, that’s not actually your part to play, it’s your brother who’ll be doing that.” he told him.

“What do you mean? You told me I was the only one who could take her out.” Dean asked as his voice got louder. 

“Dean, Dean you have a much more important role to play here. You see Lilith’s death is the final seal, Lucifer will rise and the Apocalypse will begin. We will need to strike fast. He will be at his weakest and can be taken down. Michael will slay him, Lucifer and his demons will be destroyed. Then there will be Heaven on Earth for us all.”

“Hold on...You mean you want me to say yes to Michael so they can destroy half the planet in some damn childish fight?”

“You are his vessel, his true one. Michael will face Lucifer and there will be a battle. It is inevitable.” 

Dean looked to the pictures on the wall and saw the archangel Michael in most of them and he was standing over the body of his brother, Lucifer. One had him driving his sword into Lucifer’s body. He frowned when it dawned on him what was happening here.

“My brother is Lucifer’s vessel and you expect us to fight, don’t you? What about all the innocent people that could die in the fall out?”

“Angel on angel, there’s bound to be causalities, it’s unavoidable. Now your brother has to do his part and you yours.”

“I wanna talk to my brother.”

“No can do, its too dangerous for you out there, gotta keep you safe now don’t we?” Zachariah asked him before vanishing.

Dean’s anger was about to explode from his body as he headed for the door to the room only to find it was gone. He looked around the room to find there were not doors, windows, nothing that would let him out of the room. He jerked his cell out and tried to dial his brother, but couldn’t get a dial tone. He figured the angels were blocking his call and stuffed it back in his pocket. Dean picked up a statue and used it like a hammer to pound on the wall only to watch the hole disappear. He threw it to the floor in disgust and stomped around looking for any way out.

spn

Sam looked down at the frightened woman he had trapped on the table as the demon let her come forward trying to play on his compassion so he wouldn’t kill her. 

“Please you have to let me go! I have a husband, a job, please don’t hurt me!” she begged, screaming and crying.

“I don’t know about this Ruby, maybe I should exorcise the demon from her.” Sam said in an unsure voice. He was beginning to have second thoughts about their plan and that was not good for the demon's plan.

“C’mon Sam, we’ve come this far, we can’t stop now. Don’t you want your revenge on Lilith?” Ruby asked him, trying to convince him they needed to do this. “We don’t have much time Sam. It’s gotta be done if you wanna stand a chance against her.” 

Sam turned away in frustration wishing he could talk to Dean right now. 

“You with me Sam?” she asked laying a hand on his arm.

“Alright, let’s go.” he said pulling the woman from the table and following Ruby out to her car dragging the woman with him. She screamed and fought trying to get away but Sam held tightly to her. He shoved her into the open trunk and slammed the lid down. He went around to the passenger side and got in waiting for Ruby to head out. He glanced at his cell again and saw the voicemail from Dean still waiting for him to listen to it. He ran a finger over the listen button wanting to know what he said, but afraid to listen for fear of what he might have said.

“You might as well listen to it.” Ruby told him.

Sam didn’t answer her, only shoved the phone back into his pocket and stared out the window at the scenery flying by. They drove in silence that was interrupted by the woman screaming and pounding in the trunk. With each scream and pound Sam cringed and swallowed hard as each wail sounded like nails on a chalkboard. 

“I wish she would shut up!” he growled through gritted teeth.

“I can arrange that.” Ruby shrugged. “We’ll have to stop soon anyway.”

Sam didn’t say anything as he pinched his lips tightly into a thin line knowing what she meant. Could he do this, sacrifice this woman so he would be strong enough to kill Lilith. Did that make him a monster? Maybe Dean was right, there would be no turning back for him once this was over. He was lost in thought and didn’t realize how far they had traveled or that Ruby had stopped the car.

“Sam are we doing this?” she asked pulling him from his thoughts.

“Just give me a moment.” he said getting out and walking a short distance away from the car. 

“Sam, we don’t have much time.” she insisted.

“I just need a damn minute!” he yelled at her. He turned away and pulled his cell back out to look at the message. With a trembling finger, he pressed listen and put the phone to his ear.

“One message, press 2 to listen...Listen to me you blood sucking freak...Dad always said I’d either have to save you or kill you. Well I’m giving you fair warning, I’m done trying to save you. You’re a monster Sam, a vampire. You’re not you anymore and there’s no going back...” Dean’s voice said from his phone.

Sam’s face paled as he listened to the harsh words his brother said in the message. Dean was right, once he did this there would be no coming back for him. He would be dead to his brother or worse Dean would hunt him and kill him. He would accept his fate, but he had to do this first, Lilith had to die.

“Do it.” he said not seeing the smug look on Ruby’s face. He didn’t know she had changed the message that Dean had left to be sure Sam would follow through with the plan.

spn

“Castiel, Cas, get your scrawny ass in here now!” Dean demanded looking around.

“What Dean?” 

“Tell me you didn’t know about this plan.” Dean questioned him.

Castiel had the decency to look away, not able to look him in the eye. He was never good at lying and his facial expression said all Dean needed to know.

“You sonovabitch...” Dean growled at him. “I need to see Sam.”

“I can’t Dean...”

“So what? I’m a prisoner here? What happened to you Cas? I thought we were friends, that we were family.” Dean pressed him. “Why would you do this?”

Castiel couldn’t answer him; only bow his head in regret for his role in the angel’s plans. Dean was right; the Winchesters were more like family to him than his own angel brothers and sisters. He was experiencing emotions and feeling that he didn’t know how to deal with. Castiel left again and Dean threw up his hands in frustration knowing he needed to get out of here to stop his brother from killing Lilith. Sam had no idea he was being used by both sides to set Lucifer free. He paced the room twice, looking for any means of escape. He was turning to make another round when suddenly Castiel was there with his hand clamped tightly over his mouth. He put a finger to his lips in a do not speak action and Dean nodded ok so he would remove the tight grip on his face. 

Dean watched closely as Castiel took his sword and sliced his hand so he could use his blood to draw an Enochian symbol on the wall. 

“Castiel, what are you doing?” Zachariah demanded as he looked at the two. “You can’t...” he started but was blasted away as Castiel pressed his hand to the symbol and mumbled in Enochian.

“We must go, Sam must be stopped.” Castiel told him gripping his shirt and taking them away from the green room.

“Where are we?” Dean asked as he looked around spotting a sign that read St Mary’s Convent, Ilchester, Maryland.

“Lilith is in there. I can feel her.” Cas said looking toward the building. “I have to stop Sam, wait here for me.” he said pushing the demon knife into his hands before disappearing.

“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen.” Dean said looking back at the convent.

spn

Castiel waited on the side of the road and saw the headlights coming his way. He waited until it was closer and blew out the tires causing the vehicle to crash nearby. He walked toward the smoking wreck and watched the female demon crawl from the wreckage, bloody and broken. She tried run but Castiel appeared before her and placed a hand on her head using his grace to destroy her. Blue white light poured from Ruby’s eyes, mouth and ears completely vaporizing her demon soul. He let the lifeless body fall to the ground and went back to the car looking for Sam. He looked inside but didn’t see him anywhere. He didn’t have time to find him now, he needed to get back to the convent and deal with Lilith. She couldn’t be killed and let Lucifer free in this world and he had to get to her before anyone else did.

spn

Shadows danced down the hallway from the torches on the wall as Dean quietly made his way down the hall. He had already disposed of two demons that were in his way as he made his way toward the main room of the convent. He knew he couldn’t kill her and let Lucifer free, but he could keep her busy maybe until Cas returned. He could see the bright light coming from down the hall and made his way slowly toward it, the demon knife clutched tightly in his hand. He moved closer trying to see inside when he heard a female voice call to him.

“Well you’re not the one I was expecting.” Lilith said stepping to where she could see Dean just outside the door. “Your brother was supposed to be the one coming here.”

“Well, you little plan just backfired, he ain’t comin’.” Dean said stepping into the room. “I know what you’re trying to do and it’s not gonna happen bitch.” 

“Oh come now Dean, you don’t think you can stop me do you?” she laughed at him before sending him sliding across the floor and into the wall hard, knocking the breath from him. He struggled trying to free himself as Lilith walked toward him, her white eyes gleaming with malice and evil. She did not see the angel appear behind her as she raised her hand to kill Dean. “When I kill you it will make Sam want to kill me all the more and then my father will be free to claim his vessel.”

Before she could strike, Castiel pressed a hand over her mouth and trapped the demon in the body. He spoke the incantation quickly binding the demon soul to the body and putting her in a deep sleep. Dean fell from the wall gasping for air as he looked up at the angel. Castiel took his sword and carved a sigil into her arm that would keep angels and demons from finding her.

“I must take her away where she can not be found by either side who want her dead. I will return for you.” he told Dean picking up the limp body.

“Wait Cas, where’s Sam?” he gasped hoarsely.

“The car wrecked about a mile down the road. I killed the demon Ruby, but Sam ran. I do not know where he went.” he replied.

“Wrecked? Is Sam ok?” he cried out.

“I’m sorry Dean, I don’t know. I must go before anyone tries to stop me.” he said before disappearing with Lilith‘s body. 

Dean picked up the demon knife and ran out of the room toward the front doors. He had to get to his brother and see if he was ok. All he could see was Sam lying on the side of the road unconscious and bleeding. Dean ran down the road at a fast pace seeing headlights up ahead of him. He stopped at the car and caught his breath seeing the body of Ruby lying off to the side dead. He grabbed her feet and drug her into the brush to conceal her body, throwing leaves and branches over it. He didn’t want to explain the condition of the body if a cop happened to come alone. He made his way around the car to the passenger side and saw the door standing open but Sam wasn’t anywhere in sight. 

“Sam!” Dean yelled looking around the wooded area for his brother. He spotted Sam’s duffle in the backseat and jerked it out looking for a flashlight. He found one and armed himself with Sam’s extra gun before dropping it back into the car. Dean pulled his cell out and dialed Sam’s number waiting for it to ring hoping it might lead him to Sam. He listened to it begin to ring and heard an echo at the edge of the woods. He walked toward the sound and began to look around with the flashlight as he dialed the number again. The cell began to ring off to the right of him and dug around in the leaves and twigs to find Sam’s cell. He picked it up and stuck it in his pocket while scanning the area with the light. He saw something dark on some of the leaves nearby and walked closer to check it out and realized it was blood.

spn

The loud explosion of the tires startled Sam and he wasn’t prepared for the car spinning and rolling as time seemed slow and he was thrown around in the car until it came to a crushing halt. Dazed and not sure what happened, he got the door opened as he saw Castiel walking toward the car. The only thing he could think to do was run and get away from him. He didn’t know how Castiel felt about what he was trying to do and wasn’t going to hang around to find out. Sam stumbled for the woods and disappeared into the trees, glancing back and seeing Castiel kill Ruby. Darkness engulfed him almost immediately making it harder for him to see. He wiped his face and felt the wetness of blood running down the side of his face. He clutched his right side wondering if he broke a rib or worse. All Sam knew was he had to get away; he couldn’t let Cas find him. He still carried the hex bag in his jacket pocket that Ruby had made him to mask his location from angels and demons. He just hoped it still worked. Branches and shrubs tore at his clothes and slowed him down as he plowed forward in an adrenaline rush. Roots caught at his feet causing him to stumble and fall numerous times aggravating his injuries and bringing tears to his eyes from the pain. Not able to go any further and feeling the world spin around him, Sam’s legs gave out and he fell down a small hill into a dry creek bed, landing unconscious at the bottom.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean only went a small distance into the woods realizing he couldn’t search for his brother until it got light. There was no way he could track his brother when he could barely see six feet in front of him. He made his way back to the car and pulled out his cell to call for help.

“Dean? That you son?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah Bobby. I need you to bring the Impala to Ilchester, Maryland as fast as you can. I‘m about a mile from St Mary‘s Convent, it was ground zero.” Dean told him in a rush of words.

“Sure son, I’ll leave right away. What’s going on?”

“I’ll explain when you get here. Just hurry.” Dean begged before hanging up. He looked around trying to decide what to do. He went back to the car and began to rummage through the interior to see if there was anything else useable in it. He found a bottle of water wedged under the front seat and pulled it out. He twisted the top off and greedily drank several big swallows before stopping to catch his breath. Dean wiped a trembling hand down his face and looked toward the horizon for any signs of dawn but knew it would still be hours before that happened. He fished a blanket from the trunk and draped it over his shoulders for some added warmth and eased himself down against a tree trunk to wait for the dawn. 

His fingers brushed across the extra phone in his pocket and Dean blinked back the tears brimming his eyes. He brushed his shirt sleeve across his face to wipe the wetness from it. He couldn’t understand why Sam had run unless he thought Cas was going to hurt or kill him too. Maybe Sam figured Cas would side with him against him. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back drawing in a deep breath trying to clear his jumbled up mind. He had to have a clear head and a plan if he was going to find his brother. He slowed his breathing and pulled the blanket tighter to his body willing the dawn to come faster. 

spn

Consciousness came very slowly to Sam as he tried to get his leaden eyes to open and his body to move. Sharp, insistent pain shot through his entire body no matter what or how slow he moved. He drew in a short breath and made his body roll to the side and onto his stomach. Darkness flooded his mind as he fought to keep from passing out. He took slow, steady breaths as he squeezed his eyes shut and let the dizziness pass. Once he could open his eyes without the world spinning, he used his feet and elbows to pull himself to a small sapling growing at the bottom of the hill to assist in standing. His body protested the exertion put on it and he groaned in pain leaning heavily against the small tree making in sway with the unsteadiness of his body. As soon as he stood upright, Sam’s head seemed to explode and his vision blurred and went black. He was sure now he had a concussion from the crash.

It was ten minutes before Sam could stand on his own without feeling like he was going to face plant into the ground. It was still several hours before dawn, but he knew he needed to move. Sam took a couple of steps and he started to see double and with each step his head pounded harder. His stomach churned and he fought to not throw up. This was going to make hiking harder, but he didn’t have a choice. He stumbled down the dry creek until he found a safe place to exit and worked his way back into the trees and deeper into the forest. He had no idea where he was going, just that he had to put as much distance between him and the wreck that he could. Sam tried to keep walking in as straight a line as he could, going around barriers when needed, but it was slow going with the dizzy spells and blurred vision. He finally came across a small stream and fell down beside it to splash cold water on his face and drinking a small amount from his cupped hand. He relished the wetness of the water as it trickled down his parched throat. He took a couple more swallows before trying to get up to move on. He fell back to the ground and threw up what little water he had swallowed. He got on his side so he wouldn’t choke as he waited for the dry heaves to stop. After he could get his breath, he pushed himself up not wanting to stay in one place too long and pushed on as fast as he could.

spn

Dean jerked awake and looked around him trying to remember where he was. He saw the first fingers of dawn creeping through the trees and pushed his stiff body from the ground stretching out his muscles. He looked around in the dim light deciding it was light enough for him to start his search. He found a small pack and stuff the half bottle of water, a small first aid kit, couple cans of spray paint and extra ammo into it before slinging it over his shoulder and heading back to where he found the blood. Now that he could see, Dean saw the broken branches and disturbed ground nearby and headed the way the trail led. He took a can of spray paint and marked a tree to show the direction he went. He planned on marking his trail so he wouldn’t get lost out here in the woods and would know where he had searched.

The faint trail led him deeper into the forest and away from the wreck. He lost it several times in the rocks and leaves but wouldn’t give up his search. After two hours of looking, Dean knew he needed to regroup. He couldn’t stay out here without supplies and camping gear. Feeling upset about quitting, but knowing he wasn’t prepared to stay out here, he turned and headed back the way he came, following his marked trail. He had found more traces of blood along the trail and this worried him. From the looks of the car, Dean was surprised Sam had been able to run this far. As he headed back to the road, Dean began to make a mental list of what he needed to pick up before returning to the forest. He kept checking his cell signal and didn’t get one until he was almost back to the road. 

“Hey Bobby, where are you?” he asked when Bobby answered his cell.

“About halfway there. I’m coming as fast as I can.” Bobby told him. “I’ve sent another hunter your way that was closer. He should be there any time.”

Dean looked up as a truck pulled up behind the wreck and a guy that looked Dean’s age got out and walked toward him. Dean smiled when he saw it was Caleb, a hunter he knew for a while and had worked with on numerous occasions. 

“He’s here. Thanks Bobby.” Dean said meeting Caleb halfway. “Hey Caleb, thanks for coming.”

“No problem dude. How can I help?” Caleb asked shaking Dean’s outstretched hand.

“Can you give me a ride into town? I need to pick up supplies and a map of the area.”

“No problem, what we hunting?” 

“Sam’s been injured and is somewhere lost in those woods. I gotta find him.”

“Sorry man, I’ll do what you need me to do.” Caleb said as they got into his truck and headed to the nearest town. 

spn

The darkness around him was beginning to fade as the first signs of dawn broke over the horizon. He stopped as the world around him spun out of control. Sam couldn’t think straight anymore, nor could he seem to judge where he was going. The last thing he remembered was the coldness of the earth pressing into this cheek before he passed out. He dreamed his brother was on his trail and he was running through the woods trying to get away from him. He knew if he caught him, he was sure Dean would kill him. Sam couldn’t get Dean’s message out of his mind or the tone of his voice as he called him a vampire, a monster. The words cut into his soul and hacked pieces away making his chest ache with despair. He never felt the strong arms turn him over or examine him.

The Shaman looked down at the young man unconscious at her feet wondering how he came to be this far from any human civilization. She knew if left here on his own he would not survive for long. Taking pity on the lost soul, she went about fixing a pallet to take him back to her home. She shifted the body to the pallet and picked up the end and began to pull him through the forest until she came to the rocks. The Shaman put the pallet down and made her way back along the trail covering up the drag marks that had been made. The male child had not come around when she returned, so she continued on her journey pulling the pallet behind her.

Sam felt his body being lifted onto something soft, but had no control of it. He wavered in and out of conscious as a fever coursed through his body. Sweat poured from his face as his body shivered uncontrollably. 

“My poor man child, you are very sick. I will try to help you but first we must rid you of the toxic evil that invades your body.” the Shaman spoke gently to Sam.

She went to her store of herbs, spices, roots and oils to begin mixing together the concoction needed to begin the healing process for Sam. She chanted and pulled on the ancient arts taught to her by her predecessor. Once done, the Shaman went back to Sam and positioned a bucket on the floor by his head before lifting it from the pillow.

“Man child this is not going to be pleasant, but it must be done.” she told him as she poured the thick liquid into his mouth and held it closed until he swallowed it. She waited patiently as Sam coughed and weakly struggled in her grasp. It wasn’t but a few minutes before Sam started to gag and she turned him so he could throw up in the bucket. Sam spit out mouths of dark, foul smelling liquid as the Shaman’s mixture did its job of expelling the demon blood from his system. He continued to throw up for another ten minutes before collapsing back onto the bed unable to move. The Shaman dampened a cloth and wiped his face and neck. She held a cup of water to his lips and dribbled a small amount into his mouth. “Child can you rinse your mouth?” she asked holding the cloth to catch the water and drool that ran back out of the corner of his mouth. “Rest now man child, the worse is over.” she cooed to him brushing his long hair out of his face. “I need to put a few stitches in your scalp to stop the bleeding.” She had gathered what she would need on a small table beside the bed. Once she cleaned the wound and washed the dried blood away, the Shaman used a needle to pierce the skin on both sides of the wound and draw it together tying it off. She did that five more times and smeared healing salve over it for protection before stopping. She pulled blankets over his body and pressed a hand to his forehead to check his fever. The Shaman knew he needed to rest before being given further medicine. She picked up the bucket and took it from the shelter. There was a blazing fire burning in the pit and she positioned the bucket into the flames to burn the evil away. She threw a hand full of roots into the bucket and left it to boil the liquid away and remove the evil.

spn

“Yeah I’m with him Bobby.” Caleb whispered into his cell as he looked in the store window at Dean going down the aisles picking up items as he went and headed toward the check out. “You think I can stop him? Me and whose army?...He’s going after his brother and he’s not letting anyone stop him...I know Bobby, I’ll go with him and keep an eye on him...We will Bobby.” Caleb said hanging up and moving toward his truck to wait for Dean who came out ten minutes later. 

“We need to get a motel room so we can pack and I need to look at the topographical map of the area before heading back in. Bobby can come straight to the motel room and coordinate things from there.” Dean explained to him as he put his purchases in the back. “There’s some on the outskirts of town. We’ll get a room and text Bobby the name and room number. I wanna get back out there as soon as possible.”

“Sure Dean, no problem.” Caleb said cranking his truck and heading the way Dean pointed. He knew Dean’s reputation and having worked with him before knew better than to argue with him, especially where his brother was concerned. He was overly protective of Sam and didn’t let anyone mess with him. 

They had several motels to choose from and Dean picked the one that seemed decent looking and moderately priced. He went in and paid for four nights in advance, getting a room with two queen beds. Caleb pulled around to the room and helped Dean take the bags inside. 

“Caleb, you don’t have to go into the woods with me, I can do it on my own. You can wait here for Bobby, I’m fine with that.” Dean told him, not wanting him to feel obligated to go.

“Look bro, Sam may not be my little brother, but he is a good friend of mine and so are you. Besides Bobby would kick my ass all the way home if I let ya go out there alone.” Caleb laughed. “No problem man, you got backup.”

“Thanks. You still got a backpack?” Dean asked Caleb as he dumped bags onto the bed.

“Yeah, I usually have one handy.”

“Go get it you’ll need it.” 

“Alright.”

Dean began to separate the items into two stacks while he waited for Caleb to return. He had bought two sleeping bags and a two man tent so they would have shelter and could stay warm. He picked up a couple of cooking pots and metal dishes, cups and silverware for two. Dean divided the freeze dried packs of food between the two packs, adding power bars and jerky. He took his pack and put a change of clothes, briefs and socks in first before starting to pack the other items in it.

“Those are for your pack and the sleeping bag.” Dean nodded to Caleb when he came back in.

“Got it.” Caleb replied shaking out his backpack so he could pack the items Dean laid out for him. He dug around in his duffle to add the same clothes to his pack. He tied the sleeping bag to the bottom of the pack and slung it to his shoulder testing the weight. 

“Here, put these bottles of water in your outside pockets.” 

“Got it. Did you get tp?”

“Yep, but grab another from the bathroom just in case.” 

“How long ya think we’ll be out there?” 

“I don’t know, until we find Sam.” Dean said unfolding the map he bought and studying it, finding the location of the wreck and moving his finger out into the forest trying to determine how far he had gone. After fifteen minutes of studying the map and getting the area memorized he turned to Caleb. “You ready?” 

“Let me hit the head first and we can head back out.”

“Ok.” 

spn

The Shaman looked down at the man child as he tossed restlessly and shivered uncontrollably. She could make out a few words as he cried out for someone named Dean, begging him to not say that. She cooed to him and wiped his face again with the damp cloth. His fever was raging causing him to hallucinate. Knowing she needed to lower his temperature, the Shaman got a basin of cool water and sat it beside the bed. She unbuttoned his outer shirt and lifted him up to remove his jacket, outer shirt and tee shirt. She then went to the end of the bed and removed his boots and socks so she could work his jeans and briefs down his hips and legs. Sam seemed to know he was being undressed and tried to fight the intrusion. 

“Stop it man child, I am well past the stages of wanting to mate. I’m not going to hurt you.” she told him laying a towel over his hips for his modesty. “I’m going to wash your body to bring your fever down.” she kept talking to him as she began to wash Sam’s upper body. Sam shivered and rolled his head, lost in his own nightmares. He wanted to fight but was too weak to even lift an arm. The Shaman took a small bundle of herbs and lit one end allowing it to smoke. She blew the smoke into his face watching as he inhaled the substance. Sam coughed and tried to pull away, but she continued her ministering until he slowly began to relax. The more he inhaled, the more his thrashing ceased until he lay quietly on the bed. The Shaman washed down his entire body and patted it dry before covering him with a light soft blanket, tucking it in and adding a heavier one to keep him warm. She poured out the dirty water and went to the fireplace to check on the bucket of water she was heating to see if it was warm. She brought the warm water and an empty bucket to the head of the bed and sat them down. She removed the pillow from under his head and laid it aside out of the way. The Shaman reached down to grip Sam under his arms and pulled him up the bed until his head rested on her knee and hung off the bed. She gently held his neck with one hand and began to comb the fingers of the other hand through his long hair to remove twigs, dirt and dead leaves from it. Once she was satisfied she had gotten all she could from his hair, she poured a cup of warm water on his head to wash his hair. The Shaman was careful of his head wound and checked it before continuing. She made sure to support his neck as she rubbed her homemade shampoo into his hair to clean it and then rinsed it, letting the water drip into the empty bucket positioned on the floor. She rinsed it several times until the suds were out before wrapping a towel around his head. The Shaman lifted his upper body with ease and slid him back down in the bed until his head was back on it. After straightening his body and making him comfortable, she gently towel dried his hair before running a large toothed comb through it. She replaced the pillow under his head and made sure he was amply covered before tidying up around him. The Shaman took some salve and carefully wiped it across Sam’s cracked lips to soften them and keep them from bleeding. Sam lay quietly now, his breathing raspy, but even. The Shaman brushed a strand of hair from his face and laid a cool hand on his forehead to check his fever. She was pleased it had dropped some and left him to rest. She checked on him hourly and spooned small amounts of water laced with medicine into his mouth each time wanting to keep him hydrated and sedated enough to rest. She would need to heal his body before she could heal is soul.

spn

“I’ll text Bobby the motel name and room number for when he gets here.” Dean said taking his cell from his jacket. “I got a sat phone with GPS so we can keep in contact.”

“Sounds good.”

“There’s a trailhead about half a mile from the wreck we can use and hike from there to where I found his trail.”

“Just let me know where. You’re the boss.” Caleb said heading the way Dean had told him to go. He sped down the road out of town keeping an eye on the traffic around them. Once a hunter, always a hunter and he knew it was better to be cautious than careless. Caleb wanted to be sure they were not being followed or if there seemed to be anything out of the ordinary. He didn’t know the full story about Sam, but that didn’t matter, Dean and Sam were good friends and colleagues and you didn’t turn your back on your friends.

“Ok, Bobby said he should be here this evening if nothing happens and for us to be careful.” Dean told him hanging up his cell. “It’s about a couple of miles on the right Caleb, don’t miss it.”

“You got it bro.” 

They drove on in silence the last couple of miles. Caleb saw the small sign and signaled to turn in as he slowed his truck so he could turn. There were only a couple of other cars in the parking area and he pulled to the far end to park. They got out and grabbed their backpacks slipping them on and adjusting the straps before Dean took the lead and headed down the trail. He was going to head off trail after about a mile and try to find where he stopped looking earlier. He set a steady pace as Caleb fell in behind him shifting his pack again to get it more comfortable.

“We’ll go off trail just ahead and cut across to where I was tracking him.” 

“Alright, at least there’s been no rain so far and the trail shouldn’t be messed with.” 

“Let’s just hope it holds out.” 

spn

His mind was filled with a mist that wouldn't clear as Sam tried to pull himself back to consciousness. He was balancing on the edge of coming to but just didn’t have the willpower or strength to wake up. He could sense someone near him and could feel a gentle touch. He knew it wasn’t his brother but had no idea who it could be. He thought he could hear a female’s voice chanting quietly beside him in a language he couldn’t understand. He let his mind drift away remembering a time when he was young and Dean and him had stayed up all night to watch a meteor shower. It was amazing and he felt so grown up being allowed to stay up after his bedtime. He couldn’t stay awake the entire time and went to sleep leaning against Dean, but he had gotten to see most of it. Dean never complained about having to carry him to bed and tuck him in. Sam felt the cloth wipe his face again and the liquid being put between his lips that he automatically swallowed. It had a slightly tart taste but felt good on his raw throat. He wished for more but couldn’t ask for it or thank the one giving him the water. Sam’s body felt dry and hot and he wanted to rid himself of the covers over him, but he didn’t have the energy to kick them off. Sam’s mind drifted again and it felt like he was floating in limbo, in a pool of darkness, suspended in nothingness. Time didn’t matter to him there, nor could he feel the aches and pains his physical body had to endure. 

The fever raced through the man child’s body as the Shaman continued to watch over him. She was burning special herbs and using the knowledge bestowed on her to help the man child heal. The Shaman never allowed humans this close, but she felt pity for the lost man child. There were still members of the tribes that she had dealings with, though they seemed to lessen with each passing year. The ways of the old ones were almost a thing of the past now, but the Shaman would continue her work until another came to take her place. It was the way of the people, had been since the dawn of time and would continue until time was no more. The Shaman exchanged and bartered her herbs, healing salves and medicines for her basic needs she could not obtain from nature. There were a few humans that she trusted, but no one was ever allowed any where near her home. Besides the warding she had established, the ancestors had laid down protection throughout the forest that kept her safe. No one knew that her home was centered on an intersection of six ley lines making the area one of only a few places in the world that mystical powers are at the highest level and magnified ones abilities tenfold. This was a place that the Shaman would never leave, even in death she would remain.

spn

Dean paused long enough to look at the map and then surveyed the area around him to be sure he was in the right place. 

“Over here, someone came through here.” Dean said showing Caleb the broken branches and the one recognizable footprint in the dirt. “That’s Sam’s size boot, he came this way and headed deeper into the trees.” 

“Alright then, we better get going while there’s still light to see.” Caleb responded looking in the direction that Sam had took. “Does he have any idea where he’s going?”

“I doubt it; I think he was just trying to disappear.” Dean replied pushing through the branches blocking their path. His eyes slowly scanned the bushes, trees, and ground ahead of them trying to keep on his brother’s path. He moved on seeing more twigs broken on bushes and spotted droplets of blood on a couple of leaves. His brother was hurt so he had to be moving slow and maybe that was a good thing or maybe he was going to find his dead body splayed out somewhere up ahead. No, he couldn’t think like that, Dean knew if Sam was dead, he would know, he would feel the loss down in his soul. He had to think positive, he wouldn’t give up, his brother needed him, now more than ever. He had to make things right with him, he had to know the truth and how he had been used by both sides, how he was manipulated and hooked on demon blood to tear them apart and to keep him under their control.

“Hey Dean...Looks like someone fell down this little hill.” Caleb said pointing to the disturbance of leaves and dirt on the hill side.

Dean moved closer to the hill and studied it before making his way to the bottom and looking at the mound of debris seeing a small pool of blood. He knelt down and touched the blood and looked up the dry creek bed and then down it before standing back up. 

“Find something?”

“Yeah, blood. Sam was here, pretty sure he headed that way.” he said pointing up the creek. “We’ve got to find where he got out. You take one side and I’ll look on the other.” 

“Alright.” Caleb said taking the side he was to check. They slowly worked their way up the creek bed checking for any signs that Sam went back into the woods. 

Dean was the one to spot the footprint going up the bank and motioned for Caleb to join him as he started up the small bank and back into the woods. 

“We’ve got maybe another hour of light, better find a place to camp for the night and start again in the morning.” Dean said looking around as the dimming light cast dark shadows around them. “C’mon, looks like a good place over there.”

“Man, I need to workout more, I’m beat!” Caleb grumbled unfastening his backpack and dropping it to the ground. 

“I’ll get the tent set up; you get wood and get a fire going if ya want something hot to eat.”

“That I can do.” Caleb replied as he started walking in a circle around the place picking up wood and piling it in a clear area. He knelt down and used a branch to rake away any dead leaves and to dig down a little making a small pit. He piled twigs and bark together before pulling out a lighter to light it. Once the flames started, he added more wood and got a nice fire going while Dean busied himself with the tent. It wasn’t long before they were sitting around the fire eating stew and drinking coffee. They were quiet as they listened to the night sounds starting to fill the forest around them. The night creatures were coming out to forage and enjoy their time in the darkness. Dean listened to it all wondering where his brother was right now and if he was safe.

spn

The Shaman spooned water again in the man child’s mouth letting him swallow before trying again. She could tell his fever had started to drop some and his shivering had lessened. She took her healing salve and massaged it into the bruises that were scattered over his body. Sam mumbled and called out again for someone named Dean. She began to sing to him as she continued tending to his body. The soft timbre of her voice quieted his mind and seemed to allow him to rest easier. The Shaman sung of the ancestors and their way of life and the peace and happiness that used to reign over the land. She watched as the man child partly opened his eyes to try and focus on her. She saw the puzzled expression his face before he drifted back into the darkness once again. She could sense the chaos in his mind as he tried to bring himself back to the real world. The Shaman cupped his face in her hands and began to chant in the ancient language of the People trying to form a mind link with him.

“Hello man child.” the Shaman spoke to the him.

Sam jerked around suddenly at the sound of her voice and stared in shock at her.

“Who are you?” Sam asked carefully glancing around at his surroundings trying to see into the mist. “Where am I?”

“I am a Shaman and you are in my home. I found you in my woods, unconscious and injured. You were near death, I couldn't leave you there.”

“I’m...I’m not sure I understand.” he said casting his eyes around again. “What is this place?” he asked looking around still not able to see anything.

“I am in your dream world man child. You’ve had a high fever and have been drifting between the two existences. I have been healing your physical body but your mental spirit needs healing also.”

“You’re dream walking with me. I’ve read about it but never done it.” 

“You know a little about the mystic world I see.” 

“I’m a hunter; I guess you could say I’ve had to deal with the supernatural all my life. More so after I turned nine.” 

“I see. You need to rest and let yourself heal. I will be here for you to show you the way. You are safe with me, nothing can harm you here.” 

“Thank you for your kindness.” he said as she faded from his sight. 

The Shaman sat back and studied the man child who said he was a hunter. She had run across one other human who had claimed to be a hunter so many years ago she had almost forgotten about it. He, she did not believe, but this man child, she had no doubt he was telling the truth. She adjusted his blankets and left him to rest. She was going to make some broth and see if he could stomach some to help him get his strength back. The Shaman could feel him coming back to reality and with his fever going down knew he should be waking soon. It had been days now and his body was healing with her homemade remedies. Many of these had been lost over time and only she still knew how to prepare them.


	3. Chapter 3

“I know Bobby. Caleb’s on his way out, should be heading to the motel within the hour.” Dean told him as he paced his campsite.

“Dean, you can’t stay out there with no supplies. Have you found any other signs of your brother?”

“No, it’s like they just stopped and he disappeared.” Dean sighed feeling hopeless and at a loss of what to do.

“Son, why don’t ya come on back, it’s been over a week now and you’ve not found anything. We’ll head home and regroup. Maybe Castiel has found something.” Bobby pleaded with him. 

“A few more days, I can’t leave without knowing. What if he’s waiting for me to find him? I can’t give up.” 

“A few more days and if you don’t come in, I’m coming to get ya sorry ass and drag ya out of there.” he warned him.

“Thanks Bobby.” Dean said hanging up the sat phone and storing it in his pack. He pulled his jacket closer and felt the lump in one of the pockets. He reached in and pulled out his brother’s cell phone. Dean turned it over in his hand and turned it on. There was only a little power left on it and he pressed listen to hear the last message left on it. Dean heard his voice on the phone but not his words. His face paled and he drew in a sharp breath as the words echoed in his ears.

“Listen to me you blood sucking freak...Dad always said I’d either have to save you or kill you....”

The phone went dead before the last bit of the message played but he had heard enough. He finally let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding and blinked several times and his shock turned into anger and rage. Somehow the demons had changed his message to his brother. No wonder Sam had run, he thought Dean was going to kill him. This just made it all that more urgent that he find his brother and set things straight. If that bitch wasn’t already dead he would of hunted her down and made her suffer for what she did to his brother. He was not going to stop until he found Sam, no matter what it took. He couldn't let Sam think this is what he thought of him.

spn

Sam swallowed and rolled his head as he tried to pry his eyes open enough to see. His vision was blurry and the light was dim in the room but he was able to make out a chair sitting near the bed with what looked like his clothes laying on it. Sam frowned as his mind caught up with what he was seeing and he ran a hand over his bare stomach and down to his hip. He realized he was naked under the blankets and had an urgent need to pee. He raised his hand to his head and felt a knot and what felt like a scab. Very slowly and carefully, Sam pushed himself up on his elbows but stopped as the room spun for a moment. After a minute, he slipped his legs off the bed and clutched the blanket around his waist looking for the woman he was sure that saved him. He paused for a moment when he realized something was missing. He wasn't sure how long he had been out, but he didn't feel a need for the blood anymore. It was like the cravings were gone. Sam saw handcrafted shelves against one wall across from the bed that was stacked with different sizes of books, hardback and paperback. His vision wasn’t quite clear enough to read any titles, but thought he would check them out later. Seeing no one, he reached for his briefs and slipped them on and pulled them up under the blanket before grabbing his tee shirt and slipped it over his head trying to balance and not fall as another wave of dizziness hit.

“Good you’re up.” a female voice said startling Sam who hurriedly pulled his tee shirt down over his bare stomach.

Sam wadded the blanket around his waist as his cheeks heated with embarrassment. He looked at the older woman dressed in a soft, tanned leather skirt and loose simple cotton shirt, looking very much like the Shaman she claimed to be. Her hair was braided and hung down her back and her face was smooth but tanned from working outside. Her statue presented as someone who's strong and wise and powerful.

“Hello.” Sam said shyly while trying to be nonchalant about reaching for his jeans.

“I’ll let you finish getting dressed and maybe you can eat some soup.” she said turning her back on him and stirring something in a pot hanging over the fire.

“Thanks.” he said slipping his jeans on quickly and sitting back on the bed suddenly tired from what little he did. He felt weak and slightly lightheaded. “Um...I need to...” Sam spoke not sure how to ask about a bathroom.

“You’ll have to use the bucket there, no indoor bathroom I’m afraid.” she told him without turning around. "I don't think you need to be using the one outside one yet until you get stronger."

Sam looked down and saw a metal bucket sitting at the foot of the bed. If he didn’t feel like he was about to burst he would have waited, but that wasn’t gonna happen. He picked up the bucket and moved to the end of the bed unzipping his jeans and relieving himself, sighing with relief. After he was done, he left it there and sat back down on the bed watching the woman. He couldn’t tell how old she was but she moved with the grace of a dancer. Before she turned back to him, she poured some warm water into a basin and dropped a cloth into it.

“Here you go, why don’t you wash you face and hands and I’ll dish you some soup up?” she said sitting the basin on the table beside him. She turned back to get a bowl and spoon out for the soup and got him a cup of tea.

“Thank you.” Sam said wringing the cloth out and wiping his face and neck, thinking it felt so good. He washed his hands and dried them on a towel lying on the table. 

“Don’t over do it man child, you’ve not eaten in a while so you’re gonna have to let your stomach get used to food again. The tea will help settle your stomach.”

“Smells good.” Sam commented already feeling his stomach rumble and churn from lack of food. He spooned a small amount out and blew across it before putting it in his mouth. He swallowed and quickly scooped up another bite and swallowed it. He burped loudly and covered his mouth in surprise.

"Excuse me." he mumbled looking down at the food as he felt his cheeks redden.

“Easy man child, let your stomach settle. Sip some tea, it will help.”

“Alright. My name’s Sam, don’t think I’ve told you.” he introduced himself before sipping the tea. He tasted the odd mixture of herbs in the tea trying to place them, but couldn't even start.

“Sam, I'm thinking short for Samuel, a strong name man child, it suits you. My name is beyond your vocabulary, but you may call me...Sun.” she replied. 

“Didn’t know how much energy it took to eat.” Sam sighed sitting the bowl aside and sipping the rest of his tea.

“It will take a few good meals and more rest before you start feeling stronger.”

“My brother is probably looking for me. I don‘t...” Sam started but couldn’t finish his sentence.

“It is fine man child, my woods are protected by the ancestors, no one can enter them unless I allow it.” she said. “Rest now, you are safe here and no one will find you.” 

“Think I might do that.” he mumbled as his eyes slid shut and he let himself relax into sleep.

spn

Bobby was leaning against the Impala as Dean emerged from the woods and walked slowly toward him. His face was grim and determined as he made his way toward him. His clothes were dirty and slightly loose on his body and he had a nice beard growing since he hadn’t shaved while he had been in the woods. As he got closer, Bobby could see the pain and anger in his eyes and didn’t say anything as he held out the keys for him. Dean accepted them and opened the trunk to drop his pack into it before getting behind the wheel. He sat there and just ran his hand over the steering wheel for a moment before cranking her and pulling from the parking area.

“We can go home.” he finally spoke quietly.

“I think we got time for you to get a good shower and some food in ya.” Bobby told him. “We'll find him son.” he added quietly after a moment. 

Dean didn’t respond to him as he headed back to the motel, knowing Bobby was right. He was smelling pretty ripe by now and could do with a hot meal too. He couldn’t talk yet and was glad Bobby wasn't pressing him for information. He didn't know what happened to his brother out there in those woods, and he may never know. The loss he felt was devastating and nothing was going to patch the hole in his soul.

Bobby could tell the loss of his brother had Dean balancing on the edge of a canyon and it was only going to take a feather to send him crashing over the edge and destroy him. He hoped Dean would let him help, but knew how closed off he could be. He knew he would not stop searching and trying to find out what happened to Sam. Now that they had stopped the Apocalypse, no one knew what either side would do. They didn’t know if a Plan B was in place to crank it up again or if each side would go back to their home base and regroup to take another shot at freeing Lucifer.

Dean didn’t speak the rest of the way to the motel. He parked in front of the room and got out waiting for Bobby to open the door. Caleb had left to catch another hunt, but told Bobby to keep him in the loop. He was worried about Dean and how he was taking Sam’s disappearance. Caleb wanted Dean to know he was there for him if he needed him.

spn

“Well Sam you are starting to look better, how do you feel?” Sun asked him as she sat a cup of tea on the table by his bed.

“I am feeling better. Your medicines have helped a lot.” he replied sitting up in the bed.

“Feel like a bath today?”

“Yeah, I think that would be nice.” he agreed with her. 

“Come child, I will show you.” she said stepping back so he could get up. “You may think it crude but it works.” 

Sam got up and followed her out of the room and out of the structure. He blinked at the bright light and paused to look around before following Sun toward an outcrop of rocks at the back of the structure. He stopped in surprise when he saw a large pool of water that had steam hanging over it. 

“It’s a hot spring, makes a great bathtub.” she said going to a wooden box and pulling towels and homemade soap from it for Sam. “Here you go; you can hang the towel on a rock when you’re done. Just be careful and don’t stay in too long. It can zap all your energy before you realize it. I made these for you.” she said laying a folded bundle on the box.

“Alright, I won’t be long.” Sam said accepting the items and watching her walk away. He waited until she was out of sight before laying down the towels and stripping his clothes off. Sam saw a step and carefully stepped into the hot water. He stood there a minute feeling the gentle current brush against his legs. He wasn’t sure how deep it was, so he cautiously stepped from the rock and let his body float for a moment before dunking his head under the water. He picked up the soap and quickly washed his body and hair enjoying the feeling of being clean. He stepped back up on the rock step and out of the water quickly grabbing the towel to dry his body and so he could dress. Sam slipped on his brief and shook out the bundle and found a pair of soft, tanned, buckskin pants. He slipped them on and found they fit perfectly. It was like a second skin for him. He toweled his hair as dry as he could and laid it over a rock to dry. Sun was right, just taking a bath took a lot out of him and he headed back to the structure.

“How was it?” Sun asked looking up when he came back inside.

“Amazing and you were right, that took more out of me that I thought it would. Thank you for the pants, they fit surprisingly well.”

“Don’t you worry, you’ll start getting your strength back and feel good as new.” she said as she prepared their next meal. “I am glad you like them. I thought you could use another pair of pants.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No man child, you rest.”

“Sun, can I ask you a question?” Sam asked her sitting in a chair near her.

“You may ask.”

“How long have you lived here?”

“Well let’s see...I was ten when I came to be here.” 

“So you’re not Native American?”

“No, I was saved by the Shaman before me, much like I saved you. They allowed me into the tribe and the Shaman became my teacher, my mentor, and a mother figure for me. I embraced their ways and teachings and the ancestors blessed me with their knowledge and powers. They protect me and provide for me.”

“Wow, you are a strong woman and sounds like you had an amazing life and must be a very wise woman.”

“Tell me a little about yourself, what brought you to my woods?” 

Sam looked down at his hands unsure what to tell her. He was ashamed of what he had done getting addicted to the demon blood and didn’t know how much she would actually believe anyway. Even if she was a Shaman and knew about mystical things, he wasn't sure she knew about the monsters out in the world.

“It’s alright man child, I saw your affliction and rid you of the blood lust.” she said gently.

Saw looked up wide eyed not sure what to say. He didn't know how she knew about the blood or how she could take away that all consuming need he had for it. He looked at the woman with a deeper respect before he spoke.

“You could do that?”

“The ancestors have been here since the beginning of time, there is much humanity does not know. Why you were cursed, I could not see, but I know you are brave and strong, your soul burns bright, but you are troubled.” 

“I thought I was doing the right thing, I was trying to save the world.” Sam said hanging his head. “What I did, it was turning me into something...”

“You need not fret about that any longer.”

“My mother was killed by a demon, that’s what pushed my Dad into the life and why he trained my brother and me to be warriors, hunters. It was a life that I wanted out of, so when I could, I left my family and went to college. I thought I could escape it, but once you’re in it, you’re in it forever. My girlfriend was killed by a demon too and that led me back on into the life. My brother...” Sam said stopping as he tried to calm his mind. “We had a falling out...”

“You have had much tragedy and pain in your short life my child.” the Shaman told him laying a warm hand on his shoulder.

“Will you teach me?” Sam asked. “I don’t mean everything, I know I’m not true blood, but about the herbs and how to make healing salves and tinctures and about the forest? It's a whole new world out there and I want to discover it.”

The Shaman cocked her head and looked at the man child and his eager, begging face. She studied and looked deep into his soul but saw no ill intent, but she did see the power that was dormant in his mind. This young man had a destiny that would affect the entire world. The journey ahead for him was going to be a hard one that he could not face alone, but for now he needed the solitude. She smiled kindly to him and nodded her head.

“I would be honored to show you some of my teachings. We will start this afternoon, now why don’t you pour us some tea why I dish out our meal?”

“Thank you.” Sam replied smiling back at her happily. He got up and took two cups from the shelf, sitting them on the small table. After picking up a potholder, he lifted the coffee pot from the fire and poured the strong, sweet smelling tea into each cup before sitting the pot back on a rock at the fire. Sam watched Sun spoon vegetables and meat and a thick broth into each bowl and place them on the table. She pulled a stack of thin, crusty flat bread from a rock oven and sat them on the table before taking her place. Sam bowed his head and waited as the Shaman blessed their meal and gave thanks to the ancestors for this offering of food they were about to eat. He listened to the strange language that sounded so magical and foreign to him. 

“Shall we?” she asked once she was done with her blessing.

“Smells and looks good.” Sam said breaking off a piece of the bread and dipping it in the broth before taking a bite. The flavors that exploded in his mouth were nothing like he had ever tasted. “This is delicious, what is in it?”

“The herbs, mushrooms, greens all come from the surrounding woods. The vegetables I grew myself in a small garden plot I tend each year. The meat is venison that I dried from last year's hunt. The land will sustain you if you know how to treat her. We will forage after we eat and you will learn to recognize what is good and what is bad. Spring is here and new growth is growing. This is a good time to start your teachings.”

“I can’t wait. I know a little about herbs and spices that are used in spells and incantations. I have studied books and journals about that.”

“Then you are ahead of the game, which is good. Now finish up so we can leave.” 

Sam spooned the last of his stew into his mouth and wiped his bowl with a piece of bread before getting up to add his bowl and cup to a basin with hot water. He scrubbed the dishes and laid them out to dry before wiping his hands dry and heading outside.

“Let’s us go now.” the Shaman said shouldering her pack and holding out one for him before walking into the forest. 

They spent the afternoon hiking the woods and gathering medicinal herbs and roots and edible greens. Sam absorbed everything the Shaman told him and showed him. He learned how to recognize the plants of the forest and what could be ate and what was poisonous to humans. They gathered some of the first berries of the season for dessert with their dinner. When they returned to the shelter, Sam took a fishing pole and walked down to the river below the falls and caught two fish for their dinner. He had never felt so at peace in his life. There was no stress, or monster to hunt and kill or someone chasing him or injuries that needed to heal. He paused to thank Mother Nature for the fish. After gutting and scaling them, Sam headed back to present his catch to Sun so she could prepare them for their meal. 

He planned on spending a quiet evening by the fire reading and studying her stock of herbs to familiarize himself with more plants. He was in his element right now with new knowledge to learn. He believed you could never stop learning and tried to continue to expand his mind whenever he could.

spn

The front door opened and Bobby reached for his gun until he saw the outline of the man stumble into the living room and collapse on the couch. He laid his weapon back down and sighed softly knowing Dean had drunk himself into a stupor again trying to numb him mind to the guilt and despair he was feeling right now. They had searched towns around the forest for any signs of Sam and came up empty. Bobby had feelers out and alerted hunters to contact them if anyone saw Sam. Bobby had checked hospitals, morgues and police reports for any John Does that might fit Sam’s description but didn’t find anything. Dean had caught several demons and interrogated them before sending them back to hell, but even they knew nothing of Sam’s whereabouts. Castiel searched a five hundred mile radius around the wreck but found no signs of him either. They tried a locator spell but got nothing from it. Bobby was at a loss, he didn’t know what else to do. It was as if Sam had disappeared from this world. This hit Dean hard and he was not dealing well with it. He had been drinking heavily and going on hunts that he shouldn’t go on alone. Bobby and Caleb tried to support him when Dean would let them, but mostly he pushed everyone away, he wanted to wallow in his on self pity and guilt and grief. When Bobby looked at Dean now, he saw only a shell of the man he was. Dean had played the message on Sam’s phone for him and swore that was not what he said. Bobby believed him and knew this was eating away at Dean’s soul. He wanted to find Sam and tell him the truth; he needed to make it right with his brother.

Bobby got up from the desk and walked into the living room, smelling alcohol on Dean before he got close. He looked down at Dean’s drunken body before pulling a blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over his prone body. He would let him sleep it off and have a strong pot of hot coffee ready when he woke up. This was starting to happen more than Bobby liked and he was going to have to sit him down and give him a talking to whether he liked it or not. He was not going to let him kill himself this way.

spn

The forest came to life as spring marched forward. Sam threw himself into helping Sun prepare her garden spot for planting. He turned the soil and pulled weeds and laid out rows as she instructed. He found fallen trees and with an axe and hand saw cut them up, split them and hauled them back to the shelter to restock the wood supply for winter and for cooking. Sam learned how to use a bow and brought down deer and boar so she could smoke and store the meat for the year. He built up muscles and developed a deep tan from working outside. The work was hard but rewarding and what he received in return kept his mind sharp. He thrived as he studied under her, learning all he could from the Shaman. He learned healing methods and what natural items he could use in so many different way. He also learned some of her language and symbols too. Sam understood there were certain things he could not be taught. He was an outsider and he knew it. He was just happy to be allowed to stay here this long. They gathered nuts, berries, mushrooms and wild fruit to dry and store. Sam never knew just how much the forest could provide for a person until now. 

“Man child, you have provided enough wood for three winters.” the Shaman laughed happily as Sam stacked the last load of wood he pulled from the forest. “Here now, why don’t you rest for a moment and drink some water.”

“Thank you.” Sam huffed wiping the sweat from his face before accepting the cup and swallowing huge gulps as he took a short break. His hair had grown long and he used a leather string to keep it tied back out of the way. He kept his beard trimmed but hadn’t shaved since coming there. No one would recognize him at first glance except for his height. 

“You have truly been a blessing to me my child. I have more food and wood than I have ever had.”

“I have no other way of repaying you for all you have done for me and taught me these past months. It’s the least I can do.” Sam told her finishing his water and handing her back the cup. “I only have one more load and I’ll be done.”

“I will have dinner ready for you when you are done and a special treat, the blueberries were ripe and I made a cobbler for us.” 

“That gives me all the incentive I need.” Sam chuckled moving the last of the wood from the pallet he used to move it from the forest. “I shouldn’t be long and I’ll get a quick bath before we eat, no need having to smell me while we eat.” He turned before she could see the sadness fall across his face as he thought of his brother wondering if he would like cobblers. He pulled himself back trying to mask his feelings so he could finish his work.

“Alright then, I‘ll have the meal ready.” she replied feeling the sadness around the man child. She knew his time was coming to leave and she would miss him but he had much to accomplish still in his life and bridges to mend with his family. Sam had never really talked much about his brother but she could tell how much he missed him and how the grief was eating at his soul. She tried to counsel him without coming out and telling him he needed to face his fears before they became irreversible. 

“Thank you. I’ll be back.” he told her picking up the ends of the pallet and pulling it back into the woods. Sam turned his mind to tonight because it was perfect for him to sit outside and study the stars. He had been doing it now that the nights were clear and the weather was warmer. He had been spending many nights enjoying the show Mother Nature provided, even though it brought back memories of other times he had done this with his brother. Star gazing had been one of their favorite past times in between jobs. Sam stopped at the pile of wood and began to load it onto the pallet so he could take it back and unload it. Now that he had replenished her wood stock, he was going to go on a couple more hunts for meat.

spn

The forest hummed and buzzed with insect and animal activity as Sam quietly made his way through it, tracking a deer he had seen earlier. He had his bow ready to take a shot if he ran across it again. Sudden silence all around him had him pausing in his step as his senses went on high alert. Something was wrong in the forest; the animals knew it as a silence fell over the surrounding area. He tilted his head slightly and flared his nostrils trying to pick up any scents or noises that would help him locate the disturbance. He moved slowly and carefully toward a faint noise he picked up off in the distance. 

As Sam broke through the trees, he saw the remains of a small campsite that had been destroyed. Sam quickly looked around for any predator that might still be around but didn’t see anything. He walked carefully into the campsite seeing pools of blood and shredded clothes just inside a ripped tent and drag marks a little further below it that left a bloody trail into the woods. His first thoughts were a wendigo, but then he found bear tracks all around the tent and fire pit. He sighed with relief that it was only a bear attack and not something supernatural that would need dealing with. This was bad enough and it looked like two people lost their lives to the attack and that deeply saddened him. As he looked around the area, he spotted smaller clothes that would only fit a child. Sam quickly looked around and saw a couple of kid’s toys lying by the shredded tent. He closed his eyes listening intently for any sounds that seemed out of place. Suddenly, he heard what sounded like soft crying nearby. Being careful, Sam made his way into the brush and around to a fallen tree. There curled back under the trunk of the tree in a small hollowed out area was a child.

“Hey there.” he said softly kneeling down by the fallen tree. 

The frightened child didn’t respond to him as she tried to shrink smaller into a ball as she cried softly. She covered her face with her arms and choked on sobs that broke his heart.

“I won’t hurt you sweetie. My name’s Sam.” he said slowly reaching a hand in to get her.

The child cried in alarm as Sam touched her arm and tried to scramble away from him. Sam scooped her up before she could run and held her wiggling body to his as he cooed to her trying to calm her down. He brushed her unruly hair from her face as he wiped her tears away.

“It’s ok, you’re safe sweetheart.” Sam whispered rubbing her back in gentle circles with his hand. He finally got her to calm down as she clung to him, her face buried into his neck. The small body shivered uncontrollably in his arms as he walked back to the camp. “Can I sit you down for a minute?” he asked starting to put her down, but she just tightened her hold on him almost choking him. “Ok, ok won’t do that.” 

He looked around and saw a small backpack tossed to the side and bent down, still holding onto the girl, to pick it up. There were girl’s clothes in the pack and he looked around for any more that might be salvageable and stuffed them into the pack also. He picked up a stuffed dog and slipped it under her arm being sure to keep her face pressed to his chest so she wouldn’t see any of the blood and destruction. Deciding he had saved all he could, Sam set off back to the Shaman’s home. He could feel the girl’s body going limp in his arms and was sure she was in shock. He stopped long enough to pull his outer shirt off and wrapped it around her cold body before continuing on. It took him nearly an hour of fast jogging to get back to the structure.

“Sun! Sun! I need help.” Sam called bursting into the room and looking around for the Shaman.

“I am here man child.” Sun called to him as she made her way back into the front room. She hurried to him when she saw the child he placed on his bed. “Tell me.”

“Bear attack, her parents are gone.” Sam told her as he pulled a blanket from the foot of the bed to cover her. She cried out and curled into a ball, shivering and clutching the stuffed dog to her.

“I’ll get her some warm tea to help calm her.” Sun said going to the fire and getting some hot water. She added some cold water and a spoon of tincture, stirring before coming back to the bed and sitting down by the child. “Can you hold her up for me?”

“Yes.” Sam said kneeling by the bed and slipping an arm under her shoulders and lifting her from the bed. 

He watched as Sun spooned a small amount of water into her mouth waiting for her to swallow before trying to give her more. After getting a few more spoons into her she stopped and nodded to Sam that he could lay her down. 

“That should calm her and let her sleep.” Sun told him watching the child cling to Sam as he tried to lay her down. 

“Ok, I’ll just stay here with you.” Sam said pulling her into his lap and sitting down on the bed. “I brought what I could back.” he said pointing to the pack by the door. “There’s some clothes, shoes and a couple of toys.”

“That is good when she sleeps; try laying her down to rest.”

“I will. Poor thing to loose both parents at one time.” Sam sighed looking down at her tear streaked face. He waited for ten minutes before easing her from his lap and getting up from the bed. He joined Sun just outside the door where she was looking through the pack.

“How is she?” 

“Sleeping finally. Did you find anything to tell who she is?” 

“No, there were initials in one of her shirts ARB, that’s all.”

“Wonder why they would be this far into the woods camping like that? I’ve not seen any other signs of anyone since I’ve been here.”

“Some don’t heed warnings I’m afraid. These woods are full of bears, wolves, boar, cougars and other dangerous animals. I have learned to live with them and respect them.” she said folding the clothes and putting them back into the pack.

“I’m gonna go back in and check on her.” Sam said worrying about the child. 

“I’ll go get us something to eat. You must be hungry after your hunt.” 

“Thanks. Maybe she’ll be able to eat something too when she wakes.”

“I’ll fix some broth for her. Maybe she’ll drink a little of that.” 

“How old do you think she is?”

“I’d say maybe five or six, wouldn’t say any more.”

“So young to have to deal with what happened.” Sam replied pulling a chair closer to the bed so he could sit with her. He leaned over and tucked her hand back under the blanket feeling it to see if she had warmed any. 

“I think the child will be ok with time. I can feel a strong spirit within her.” 

“I hope so.” he replied watching her sleep.

spn

“What the hell has gotten into you boy!?” Bobby yelled at the younger hunter as he continued to sew up the wound from another hunt Dean went solo on.

“I’m fine.” Dean stated in a dull, lifeless voice. He didn’t even flinch as Bobby finished the last stitches on his shoulder and smeared ointment over the area before taping a pad over it.

“Are you all hell bent in getting yerself killed, ‘cause it sure looks that way to me.”

Dean didn’t answer the older hunter as he tossed back another shot before getting up and stumbling toward the stairs and his bedroom upstairs. Bobby huffed out a hard breath as he began to clear away the bloody gauze and pack the first aid kit. Nothing that he said to the boy seemed to get through to him about his brother. It had been nearly three months and there had not been any signs of Sam anywhere. From what Cas could hear on angel radio, the angels knew nothing about his disappearance and the demons that Dean questioned had no knowledge either. He was beginning to wonder if Sam did die in those woods and that his body would never be found. He turned to put the kit away when Castiel appeared in the kitchen nearby.

“Cas, what’s going on?” 

“Where’s Dean?” Cas asked looking toward the other room for his friend.

“He’s upstairs hopefully gone to bed. Fool jackass tried to take on a werewolf by himself, ‘bout got himself killed. I had to patch him up again. I swear I don’t know how much longer he can keep doing this ‘fore he does get himself killed.”

“I may have a possible lead on Sam.” Cas said starting to head toward the stairs.

“Stop! Don’t bother him; he’s in no shape to go.”

“I can heal him.”

“You can’t heal his soul and that’s what’s broken right now. Think you could check it out ‘fore you get his hopes up? I don‘t think the boy can take many more disappointments. The last ones never panned out you know.”

“Alright, I will do as you ask. I’ll check it out first.” Castiel agreed and disappeared leaving Bobby alone in the kitchen once again.

Bobby looked at the empty space where the angel had once been and huffed to himself wondering what Castiel might have found. Sometimes the angel could be too secretive for his liking, but he chalked it up to Castiel not knowing how to interact with humans in all situations. Sometimes he was like a child and other times he could be a formable ally and the warrior he once was. He knew Cas was only trying to help Dean the only way he knew how. Bobby turned to the counter to pour a cup of coffee wondering if he should chain Dean in the panic room to keep him from killing himself.


	4. Chapter 4

It was slow going, but Dean finally made his way up the stairs and to the bathroom. Every part of his body seemed to ache in some form or another. He relieved himself and went to the sink running water until it was hot and filled the sink. He took a wet hand and wiped it across the mirror looking at the face that stared back at him. What he saw was bloodshot eyes, dark circles bruising his skin, unkempt hair and beard. He looked into the empty, dull eyes that stared back at him with no emotions or feelings. Dean dropped a wash cloth into the water and wrung it out before wiping his sweaty face and neck. He rinsed it and began to wipe the blood from his chest and what he could from his back. He winced as the stitches pulled across his shoulder and decided that was the best he could do for now. He needed to lie down before he fell down. Dean let the water out and limped across the hall to his bedroom. 

He carefully sat down on his bed trying not to look at the empty one across from him but his eyes were drawn to it. His chest tightened with the ache he felt and squeezed his eyes shut as he stretched out throwing an arm over his face. He didn’t feel the presence of the angel that appeared by his bed.

Castiel looked down upon the human he considered a close friend, family for that matter. He could feel the pain and despair and loss in his mind. He listened closely as Dean mumbled to himself.

“Gotta find ya Sammy...I didn’t say that..I swear Sammy I didn’t say that...” he mumbled letting his hand fall down and a cell phone drop from it down beside him. 

Castiel reached down and picked the phone up turning it over in his hand. He opened it up and found a saved message. He pressed listen and brought it to his ear to listen. He frowned and looked down at the sleeping man as it ended. Being an angel, he could tell this was not Dean’s true voice, but the human ear would not be able to discern this. Now he knew the reason why Sam ran that night and disappeared. He thought Dean saw him as a monster, a freak and would kill him if he saw him again. Castiel put the phone back on the bed and laid a gentle hand on Dean’s head as he looked into his mind hunting for the memory. He listened to the true words that Dean had spoken before backing out and straightening up. He pressed two fingers to Dean’s forehead and calmed his tortured mind so he could get some rest. He knew it was urgent that Sam be found and told the truth for both the brother’s sake. He now understood Dean’s need for self harm, he blamed himself for Sam leaving. 

spn

The Shaman watched Sam closely as he absently picked at his food deep in thought. She knew the time had come and he would be leaving. She had done all she could for him and now it was his choice to decide what he needed to do. Both of their thoughts were interrupted by the child calling out for her parents. Sam went to the bed and sat down beside her.

“Hey, remember me, I found you in the woods.” he said talking gently to her. “This is Sun, she lives here, she‘s a friend. Can you tell us your name?” he asked as the child looked from one adult to the other.

“Alana.” she whispered in a shaky voice.

“That’s a beautiful name child. Think you can drink a little broth?” the Shaman asked her bringing a cup over and holding it out to her.

“How old are you?”

“Five, almost six.”

Alana accepted the cup and looked into it, smelling it before taking a sip. She wrinkled her nose, but drank a little more while looking at the two adults. Neither seemed threatening and she barely remembered the tall guy taking her from the camp. 

“My foster parents?” she asked looking from Sam to Sun waiting for one to say something. She might only be five, almost six, but she was a smart kid and understood much more than most kids her age.

“I’m sorry Alana.” Sam said sadly, a look of sorrow on his face. “Do you remember anything about what happened?”

Alana sobbed once and drew in a shaky breath before answering.

“Momma told me to run and hide and stay there until she came for me. I could hear loud growls and screaming and then it got quiet. She never came for me. I was afraid to come out.”

“You are a brave child little one.” Sun told her.

“So they weren‘t your real parents?” Sam asked hoping there would be family to take her in.

“No, I‘d been with them for about six months. We moved for Daddy’s job. I was going to start a new school. It was special because I tested high. Momma said I would make some new friends...We liked to camp when we could...Who’s gonna take care of me now? Will I have to go back into the system?” she asked looking soulfully up into Sam’s face as tears trickled down her face. 

Sam bit his lip as tears blurred his vision when he realized she was all alone with no one to love her or hold her or take care of her. He watched Sun move to the bed and sit down beside her drawing her into her warm embrace as she rocked the child and whispered in her own language to her. Sam’s mind began to whirl when it dawned on him, this child had no one and if taken to the police would be put in the system and probably foster care or group home. He knew with her age it would be hard for her to be adopted, since most people wanted babies. The solution was an easy one as far as he was concerned. Who better to care for her than Sun. He watched Sun ease Alana’s small form down on the bed and cover her sleeping body.

“Can I talk to you?” Sam asked her stepping away from the bed so not to wake the child.

“What is it man child?”

“The child has no one out there and would end up back in the system. You know there’s a better solution here. Why don’t you take her in and care for her? It would be like when you were lost and the Shaman took you in. You said she had a strong spirit and I can tell she’s smart.” 

“Do you believe in fate man child?” the Shaman asked looking back to the bed. 

“After all I’ve seen in my life, I guess, but I know its not set in stone and can be changed.”

“That it can, I think it is time for you to leave and you know it. You have issues that need to be resolved before you can move forward with your life. There is so much more that you must do, some will be easy, but much will be extremely difficult and seem almost impossible. One thing that I do know is you will need help doing it, you will need family, you will need your brother.” she told him placing a hand on his arm for a moment. She looked back in at the child before continuing. “This precious child was put in my path for a reason. I believe she will be the next Shaman to take my place when the time comes.” 

“Do you think she will be accepted by the ancestors?” 

“It will be her choice, I would never force this on anyone. It will be her decision, if she says no, you will take her to the outside world.” she explained. 

“Why don’t we ask her when she wakes up in the morning. I have a feeling I already know her answer.” Sam said a small smile on his lips. The Shaman was right, he knew he had to leave. No matter how much he wanted to stay here, this was not where he belonged. It was time for him to find out what happened after the crash. He still didn’t know how he would handle his brother if they were to meet. The words from the voicemail were still branded on his brain and he still woke up in a cold sweat at night when he replayed those words. Sam decided after Alana made her choice, he would be leaving this place and from there he wasn’t sure.

spn

The Shaman had given Sam a couple of tanned hides and blankets to make a bed in the floor near the door since the child was in his bed. He had been asleep for a while when he sensed movement beside him and reached for the knife he had laying nearby as he jerked up to a sitting position. Alana was standing beside him holding her stuffed dog and looking unsure.

"Hey, sweetie, what is it?" he asked.

"I need to potty." she said quietly.

"C'mon, I'll show you where to go." he said getting up and leading her outside to an outhouse. He waited for her to finish and took her back inside to wash her hands and put her back to bed. "You ready to go back to bed?"

"Will you stay with me?" she asked before getting back in bed.

"What's the matter bad dreams?"

"Yes."

"Alright, let me get in and you climb in beside me." he said getting in the bed and sliding over to make room. Once he was settled, Alana crawled in and snuggled down beside him. Sam fixed the blanket and draped it over their bodies as they both relaxed. 

"Sam?" Alana asked.

"What little one?"

"I like Sun, does she have any kids?"

"No, she's lived out here by herself for a long time. You see she's sort of like a Medicine Woman, a Shaman for the tribe." 

"You think she might let me stay with her? I wouldn't be any trouble and I don't eat much." she said earnestly. 

"Well Alana, Sun was going to ask if you wanted to stay with her in the morning. I think its going to make her very happy that you wanna stay." 

"I'm glad." she said hugging her dog tightly and capturing Sam's arm too. “You seem sad.”

“I’m going to be leaving soon, it makes me sad, but I can’t stay.”

“Then it’s good that I’m going to be staying then. She won’t be alone.”

“I have to say, you’re very smart for your age. Why don’t you go on back to sleep?”

“Ok.” she replied closing her eyes.

spn

Sam woke up to the sound of humming and looked down to see the tousled head of Alana sticking out from under the blanket still curled into his side. He eased his arm from her loose grasp and slipped out of the bed without waking her. He stretched and headed outside to use the outhouse and wash up. He headed back inside to talk with Sun.

“Good morning man child.” Sun greeted him as she prepared their breakfast of mash, fresh fruit and hot tea.

“Good mornin’.” Sam replied accepting a cup of hot tea and sipping it.

“The child still asleep?” 

“Yes, she was exhausted, but Alana did talk to me last night. She asked if she could stay with you.”

“That is good, I am pleased.” Sun said smiling softly, pleased with the news. 

“I figure I’ll be heading out tomorrow, it’s time.” he told her staring down into his cup sad about the news.

“I know man child. So today we will celebrate your time here and your leaving.”

“Hey baby girl.” Sam said when he saw Alana standing nearby. “Are you hungry?” 

Alana shook her head yes and moved closer to them watching Sun as she moved around the fire and table.

“Here you go child, sit down. Sam gathered this fruit a few days ago and this is like oatmeal.” Sun said sitting two bowls in front of Alana.

“It’s really good if you put some fruit in it.” Sam whispered to her as he spooned some fruit into his. He watched Alana do the same and stir it before taking a bite. She smiled at both of them and continued to eat her breakfast. 

“So child, Sam told me you might like to stay with me, is that true?” Sun asked the child as they ate their breakfast.

“Yes, since you have no one and I have no one...I thought we could keep each other company.” Alana said looking over to Sun and then to Sam.

“Well child, I would be honored if you stay with me.” 

“I want to.” Alana said happily as she finished her meal and sipped on the tea.

“Alright then, let’s finish up and while the child and me clean up, Sam you need to go take a good bath, soak in the hot water for at least twenty minutes. You need to cleanse your body of all impurities, then we can begin the ritual.”

“Alright.” Sam said getting up and snagging his worn jeans on the way to the hot spring to do as ask. He was going to change out of his leather pants and into jeans thinking they would be more comfortable. He grabbed a couple of towels and quickly stripped before stepping into the pool and submersing himself. He dunked his head to wet his long hair and began to rub the homemade shampoo through it washing it good. He continued with his body and then moved to sit on the step to relax, shutting his mind down as he let his body soak to pull out the toxins. He kept track of the time in his head and when twenty minutes were up got out and dried off feeling like a prune from the soaking. He towel dried his hair and pulled it back with the leather string. Once he had the towels spread out to dry, Sam headed back to the structure to see what Sun had been doing.

“Good, you’re done. Sit down here man child and remove your shirt.” Sun told him when he walked back inside. She motioned him to a chair by the table that had bowls of liquid on it.

Alana hovered nearby intently watching Sun’s every move. Sun moved to light a bowl of herbs, spices and sweet oil filling the room with a sweet, earthy aroma. Sun stepped to Sam and used her fingers to dip into a bowl and paint streaks on Sam’s face. She did the same to Alana and then herself. Once she was satisfied, she washed her hands and picked up a reed brush and a different bowl, thicker and darker. 

“Hold your head to the side and don‘t move.” Sun said waiting for him to comply.

Sam tilted his head to the left and used his hand to hold it in place. Sun began to chant in the ancient one’s language as she started to draw intricate patterns and symbols on his neck and extending it down and across his shoulder to halfway down his bicep. She continued the chant throughout the process, touching up a couple of places before stepping back and studying it. Alana stood by Sam’s knees and got up on her tiptoes to look at it. 

“This will sting a little man child.” she told him as she placed one hand, with fingers spread, on his neck and shoulder and the other on his arm covering most of the pattern. Sue began to huff and grunt and chant louder as she tightened her grip on his neck and arm.

Sam couldn’t see what she had etched on his body, but remained still as the area began to tingle and sting slightly and grow warm. He could see what looked like glowing under her hands until there was a sudden hot pinch and then nothing. Sun’s voice softened and it was like she was praying now until she looked up and smiled at Sam.

“It is done, you are now under the protection of the People and any who see the marking will know you are one of us. It will ward against evil being done to you. If you should need help, any one of the tribe will help.”

“Thank you Shaman, I am honored that you chose me to receive this.” Sam said reverently.

“You have earned it man child.”

“Do you like it?” Sam asked Alana picking her up and sitting her in his lap.

“Yes, there are so many different symbols and designs running through it.”

“You can see them?”

“Yes, can‘t you?”

“We will walk you to the border and get you headed in the right direction.” Sun told him as she cleaned up the paints. “You will head south for about two days depending on how fast you can hike. You will find a small trail and will need to head west for a day and half. You will find a larger trail and will need to go south again and you will end on the outskirts of a town. Go to the General Store and ask for Mace, he will help you with transportation to where you want to go. I‘ll write it down before you leave.”

“Sounds good to me. I’ll head out at dawn.”

“I’ll prepare you a pack with water and jerky and dried fruit to take with you.”

“You’re leaving already?” Alana asked sadly.

“Afraid so little one, I’ve been here for a while now but it’s time for me to go. I have some things I need to do.”

“I’m gonna miss you.” she said hugging him tightly. 

“Me too.” he smiled hugging her back. 

“Are you two ready to go pick some wild grapes and crab apples?” Sun asked the two children.

“You ready?” Sam asked Alana.

“Yes!” Alana cried happily jumping down and accepting a basket from Sun. 

Sam laughed at her and picked up his own basket following the women out of the shelter and into the woods. After living in the area for so long, Sun knew all the good places to gather the fruits of the forest. Sam had already decided that he would be coming back next year in the spring to help them out and be sure she had plenty of wood and meat to dry and smoke for the upcoming year. 

spn

Dean pulled into the outskirts of Marshalltown, Iowa driving slowly looking for a motel. He had found a case that sounded like a vengeful spirit and was here to check it out. He had left Bobby’s several weeks ago when things started closing in on him. He couldn’t be there, every where he turned were things that reminded him of his brother. He had thrown himself into the job when no leads panned out on Sam. After they lost his trail in the woods, Dean didn’t know what to do next. He used all his sources and then some but no one could find a trace of him anywhere. Not even Castiel could find out anything about what happened to Sam. He pulled into a useable motel and got out to get a room so he could start looking into the strange deaths happening in the town. 

The room suited his needs even if it did have two full size beds in it. Even after the time that had passed, he couldn’t seem to break the habit. He dropped his bags on one bed and sat down on the other drawing in a deep breath as he rested his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands feeling exhaustion sweep over him. He had been living on caffeine, Jack, too little sleep and occasional fast food since it seemed hopeless in finding his brother. He couldn’t do anything until morning so he reached over into one of the bags and pulled a bottle of whiskey from it. Dean looked at it for a moment before uncapping it and bringing it to his lips to swallow several mouths fulls before taking a breath. He felt the whiskey burn all the way down to his stomach and spreading out through his body. He took another swallow hoping to numb his mind enough to maybe sleep without the bad dreams that plagued him. He unlaced his boots and kicked them off before stretching out on the bed, not bothering to change clothes. Morning would be here soon enough and he would begin the hunt.

spn

“Here you go man child, this should sustain you until you find your way.” the Shaman told him holding out a pack and water skin.

“Thank you.” Sam replied accepting the two items.

“Give these to Mace, it will explain your situation and my request for his help.” she continued holding out a folded piece of paper and a small leather drawstring bag. Sam took them and stored them in his jacket pocket for safe keeping. “Are you ready to go?” 

“Yes.” 

“Alana child, shall we guide him out?” the Shaman asked the child holding out her hand to her.

“I’m ready.” Alana answered quietly. 

The Shaman headed into the woods followed by Alana and with Sam in the rear watching their back. They moved quietly through the forest following a path that only the Shaman seemed to see. It was just after lunch when she stopped in a small clearing looking around for a moment and turned to Sam.

“This is where we part ways man child, here are the directions, head due south from here and you will find the trail.” the Shaman told him handing him a paper. “Be safe and listen to your heart, it will lead you.” she said laying a hand on his chest over his heart. “It will never steer you wrong.” 

“Thank you Sun for all you’ve done for me, healing me, helping me, training me...” Sam started before pulling her into his embrace and blinking away the tears. “You saved my life and for that I can never repay you.” he whispered to her. 

“You have repaid me.” she said looking down to the child by her side.

“Alana, you take care of yourself and mind Sun.” Sam said kneeling down beside her to hug her as she threw her arms around his neck to hug him back. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to see you two when spring comes back around.” he told her wiping the tears from her cheeks. 

“Promise?” she asked.

“I promise.” he said solemnly. “Pinky promise.”

“Pinky promise.” she said hooking her pinky with Sam’s and giving him a small smile.

“Take care both of you.” Sam said with a final wave as he headed off in the direction Sun told him. He set a steady pace through the forest wanting to get as far as he could before darkness fell. He was going to have to rough it out here until he found the town. He kept an eye on the sun to be sure he stayed on track heading south. Sam stayed alert for any dangers knowing the forest could be deadly if not respected. 

spn

Three days later Sam stepped out of the forest and could see the outline of buildings not too far down the road. He paused to quench his thirst and rest for a moment before continuing his journey. He pushed off from the rock he was sitting on and headed for the town and to find the General Store and the person called Mace. He shouldered the pack and began to walk on the side of the road toward the town. Sam was going to have to train himself to be around people again after all this time of only being around Sun. 

Sam opened the door to the General Store and stepped in looking around the place at the merchandise. It had a little bit of everything from clothes to hardware to groceries to camping supplies to gardening supplies and seeds. He walked toward the counter and a middle aged woman standing behind it.

"Hi, I'm looking for Mace." Sam asked politely.

The woman looked at Sam for a moment before heading through a swinging door into a back room. Sam waited patiently by the counter and looked up when the woman came back out followed by an older man. He stopped at the counter and eyed Sam suspiciously before he spoke.

"Can I help you? I'm Mace." he asked in a deep voice.

"Yes, I was told to give this to you." Sam said pulling out the folded paper and leather pouch placing them on the counter. 

Mace picked up the paper and unfolded it so he could read it. He looked back up at Sam before continuing to read the note. He picked up the pouch and opened the top to glance inside before looking up again at Sam.

"Is everything ok?" Sam asked cautiously.

"Come with me." he told Sam heading back through the swinging doors not waiting to see if Sam was following. 

Sam scurried after him unsure what was going on and followed him into the storeroom and back to a corner where an office was. He stepped into the office and watched him sit down at a desk.

"The Shaman says you are family now and wants me to help you." 

"She saved my life."

Mace turned in his chair and opened a filing cabinet to unlock a lockbox and reached in removing something. He turned back around to Sam before he spoke.

"Take this so you can continue in your journey." he said holding out money to him. 

"No, no I can't take that." Sam said shaking his head.

"It's fine, the Shaman sent payment. She wanted you to have it." 

"Thank you." Sam replied accepting the money without looking at it. "Is there a bus station around here?"

"Yes, on the other side of town on Gordon Street, take a right when you go out the door and go to the second stop sign take a left three blocks down and Gordon is on the right."

"Thanks." Sam said nodding to him before turning to leave.

"If you need anything else, let me know."

"I will." 

Sam left the General Store and followed his directions to the bus station. He went inside to get a ticket to Sioux Falls only to find out the next bus heading that way didn't leave until one pm the following day and he was going to have to change buses a couple of times along the way. He pulled a hundred dollar bill from his pocket and bought a ticket to the next city where he would have to change buses and asked where the nearest motel was deciding to get a room and clean up and get some rest. He had passed a thrift store a block away and was going to see if they had any jeans and a couple of shirts he could wear. Sam hurried out of the bus station feeling there were too many people in there than he could handle right now. It was going to take him a while to get use to people again. He headed for the thrift store and found jeans, shirts, socks and even a pair of boots that fit and were in good shape. Sam didn’t know how much money Mace gave him and wanted to wait until he was alone to check. He paid for his purchases and spotted a drug store a half a block away thinking he could get the other things he needed. Sam went in and found briefs, tooth brush and paste, small bottles of shampoo and deodorant and a brush to comb his hair with. Once he decided he had everything, he continued on down toward the motel. He still had bread and jerky to eat and wasn’t ready for the greasy food yet. The motel was small but looked cleaned so he got a single on the ground floor for one night.

spn

The room was small but useable, Sam thought as he dropped his bag and pack onto the full size bed. He pulled the folded money from his pocket and spread it out on the bed and begin to count it. With what he had spent added to it he had been given a thousand dollars in hundred dollar bills. Sam started at the money in shock not sure what the Shaman had given to Mace that he would give him this much money. He stared at it for several minutes before shuffling all but one hundred dollar bill and the change from another together and folded it back up storing it in his inside jacket pocket that had a zipper so it would be safe. He took a couple of dollars and went back out to the vending machine near his room and bought a soda. He hadn’t drunk one since before he was locked in the panic room by Dean. That all seemed like so long ago now. 

Sam headed back to his room and decided he needed a shower. He dug out his purchases from the drug store and went into the small bathroom hoping it at least had good water pressure. He stripped out of his stinky clothes and turned the water on adjusting the temperature before stepping under the hot spray and letting it beat on his face for a moment before turning and holding his head back to wet his long hair so he could wash it. It felt good to wash away the sweat and grim of the last three days hike out of the forest. After washing his body, he stood under the spray and just let it beat on his shoulders for a while then turned the water off and picked up a towel to dry his body before using it to towel dry his hair. He stepped to the sink and wiped a hand across the steamed mirror to look at his reflection. The person that stared back at him was not the same person who crawled away from that wreck months ago. His hair was past his shoulders and he had a full beard. His skin was tanned a bronze and his body was muscular and lean. He was in the best shape he had been since his youth. His stomach was flat and he had six pack abs. He brushed his hair before stepping back into the room to open up his new briefs and slipping a pair on. He pulled on a tee shirt then moved his things from the bed so he could lie down. Sam was tired and wanted to get a few hours of sleep before check out time tomorrow. After turning and tossing and wiggling around on the bed trying to get comfortable, Sam pulled the thick comforter from the bed and folded it several times before positioning it in the floor. He took a pillow and blanket and settled on the bed he had made, now able to relax and drifted off to sleep. 

spn

Dean pulled into the parking lot of a bar a few miles from his motel deciding he needed a drink after vanishing the vengeful spirit. He was limping slightly and was pretty sure his body would be black and blue tomorrow from being thrown around by the spirit before he got the bones torched. He parked under one of the outside lights in the lot and checked his cell to see if he had any messages from anyone about Sam. Even after all this time, he had not given up on his brother. Sam was out there somewhere and he was going to find him. He got out of the Impala and headed for the front door. He stepped into the dimly lit bar room and quickly gave the room a hunter’s scan before making his way to the end of the bar where he could see who came and went. He pulled money from his pocket and ordered a beer and Jack from the bartender. A mug and shot glass were sat in front of him as the bartender turned to help other customers. Dean looked at the drinks before picking up the shot and throwing his head back to gulp it down, then followed it with a couple swallows of beer. He decided since the room was paid for for one more night he might as well use it before heading back to Sioux Falls. He motioned for another shot and waited for his glass to be filled again. Dean didn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t numb his mind before heading back to the motel. There wasn’t anyone around to stop him, so he continued to drink his pain away.


	5. Chapter 5

The bus pulled to a stop and Sam waited until everyone else got off before exiting too. He looked around the bus station then headed to the office to get a schedule and find out when the bus he wanted left out. It was late and the bus heading west wouldn't be leaving until four pm the next day. Sam asked about a motel and began to walk down the street following the directions. He strolled by a bar and saw a familiar car sitting under a light in the parking lot. Sam shook his head and walked over to it to run a hand lovingly over the top as he thought about his brother. He stared to turn away when something in the floorboard caught his attention. Walking around the car to the passenger side, Sam stared hard at a shoebox filled with cassette tapes, tapes his father had first played and then his brother. He looked toward the bar realizing his brother must be inside and stood there trying to decide what to do. Should he leave? Should he go inside? Should he wait here for him to come out? Questions bounced around inside his head as his heart pounded hard inside his chest. He remembered what Sun had told him and drew in a shaky breath before slowly walking toward the front door of the bar.

It was dimly lit inside as Sam pushed open the door and stepped inside taking a quick glance around trying to find his brother. He turned his head toward the bar as voices were raised and saw his brother trying to stand on wobbly legs. Dean was arguing with the bartender who was removing the empty glasses from in front of him. He almost fell if he hadn't grabbed the edge of the bar. Sam didn't hesitate to hurry to his brother's side and catch him before he fell.

"Does he owe anything?" Sam asked the bartender.

"No, he's paid, you gonna see him home? He sure don't need to be driving."

"Yeah, I'll take care of him. Thanks." Sam told him getting a good hold on the waistband of Dean's jeans and slipping one of Dean's arms around his shoulders to help him walk. Dean was oblivious to who was helping him and muttered incoherent words to Sam.

"'m f'ne..." Dean slurred trying to make his rubbery legs hold him up and trying to pull away from who was supporting him. He was too drunk to recognize it was Sam who was trying to get him out of the bar.

"Sure you are." Sam grumbled, dragging him now more than supporting him.

"L' go..."

"And watch you face plant? Just cool it." Sam fussed as he felt Dean's body going limp in his arms as he passed out.

He steered them toward the door and got him outside and moved to the Impala. Sam fished around in his jeans pocket for the keys and found a motel room key and then the car keys. He got the car unlocked and guided Dean's limp body into the back seat. He went around to the other side and pulled him further into the car carefully closing the door and going back to the other side to bend his legs so he could close the door. Sam got into the Impala and cranked her up, pulling out of the parking lot and heading for the motel.

spn

Sam was lucky there was a parking space right in front of the Dean’s room. He got out and opened the door to the room to drop their bags in before going to get his brother out of the back seat. 

“Come on bro, need to get you inside.” Sam told his brother as he pulled him to a sitting position to ease him out of the car. Dean was too drunk to be of any help as Sam got a good grip on him and got him on his shoulder to carry him inside. He saw Dean had gotten a room with two beds and stopped at the first bed sitting his limp body on it. While holding him up, he slipped off his jacket and tossed it to the other bed before easing him down on the pillow. Sam knelt down and unlaced his boots to pull them off before lifting his legs to the bed to make him comfortable. Sam sat down on the other bed and looked at his brother’s still body. He could tell that Dean had lost weight and he had dark splotches under his eyes and had a pallor color to his face. His hair was too long and un-kept and he had a beard. This was not like his brother and he cast his guilty eyes to the floor wondering if he caused his brother to end up like this. Sam looked up quickly when Dean stared making gurgling and gagging noises as he tried to sit up. 

“Dean, hey man?” Sam called to him realizing what was happening and pulled him up and off the bed heading for the bathroom. He got Dean to the commode just as he began to throw up from all his drinking. Sam wrinkled his nose in disgust as he held him there letting him empty his stomach. He flushed the commode when Dean starting dry heaving several times before groaning and leaning his head on his arm. “Think you can rinse your mouth?” Sam asked reaching one hand for a glass and running water. He helped Dean hold his head up and put the glass to his lips trying to get some in his mouth. Water and drool ran from his mouth as his head lolled to the side. Sam wet a washcloth and wiped his face and neck before getting Dean to his feet and carrying him back to the bed. He threw the covers back and got Dean back in bed and covered his body. Dean mumbled and moaned in his stupor but never opened his eyes. 

With a sigh, Sam went into the bathroom to use it. As he moved back into the room a ringing caught his attention. He hurried to Dean’s jacket and started going through his pockets looking for a phone. He pulled one out but it wasn’t ringing and he looked in the other pocket and found another one. He flipped it open and answered it.

“Hello.” he said cautiously waiting for an answer. All he heard was silence from the other end and spoke again. “Hello? Anyone there?”

“Sam, is that you?” a rough, gravely voice asked in surprise. 

“Bobby?” Sam asked recognizing his voice. “Yeah it’s Sam.”

“Where Dean?”

“He’s passed out in bed. I found him in a bar drunk.”

“Son, are you ok? Where have you been all this time?”

“It’s a long story, but I'm ok. Bobby what happened to Dean?” 

“That’s a long story too. You need to talk to your brother Sam." Bobby told him. "You’re not planning on disappearing again are you?”

“No, not unless Dean wants me to.” he said sadly not sure what Dean was going to say when he saw him.

“You listen to me son, I expect you to come back here with yer brother. You hear me? Don't make me come after ya.” 

“Yes sir.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Alright.” Sam said hanging up. He looked down at the other phone in his hand and it dawned on him this was the phone he lost at the wreck. He had no idea why Dean would be carrying it around all this time. He stood to move the things off the bed when a flutter of wings and disturbance had him turning to see Castiel standing in the room. 

“Sam...Bobby said you were here.” Castiel said stepping to him and embracing him tightly in his arms. “We have been looking everywhere for you. Are you well?” he asked finally letting him go.

“Yeah, I’m fine Cas.” Sam said a little shocked Cas was being so affectionate. 

“Your brother did not fare well while you were missing.”

Sam bit his lower lip as he looked away still clutching his phone as the message played again in his head. He couldn’t say anything at the moment as he clenched his jaw tightly. 

“Sam what’s wrong?” Castiel asked before he noticed the cell Sam was hitting against his leg. “It’s the message isn’t it? Sam that wasn’t Dean, you were manipulated that night. The demons addicted you to the blood to use you in their plan to free Lucifer.” he tried to explain to him. “The angels did nothing to stop any of this, they wanted it to happen too. That’s why they tried to stop Dean from getting to you that night and telling you. I never meant to hurt you when I wrecked the car Sam.”

“What about Lilith? Did Dean kill her?”

“No, no one did. Lilith was the final seal to be broken. Killing her would have un-leased Lucifer into this world. Ruby lied to you and the angels lied to Dean. They wanted you two to fight and turn against each other. It was the only way their plan would work. They wanted the Apocalypse to happen Sam. You were their key to starting it. The demons and angels both wanted you two hating each other so you wouldn’t figure any of it out. I took her away and hid her from all so she could never be used to raise the devil.”

“But it was his voice...” Sam started. “He told me...”

“No Sam, here, this is what he really said.” Cas insisted grabbing Sam’s arm tightly and pulling him to the bed. He forced him to sit beside Dean and placed a hand on each of their foreheads before searching Dean's memories to find the true words he said. He pulled up the memory and allowed Sam to see and hear it.

“Hey, it’s me....Look, I’ll just get right to it, I’m still pissed and I owe you a serious beat down...I shouldn’t of said what I did. I’m not Dad. We’re brothers; family...No matter how bad it gets that doesn’t change. Sammy, I’m, sorry...” 

Sam listened to his brother’s words and gasped in shock finally learning the true. Dean hadn’t meant what he said, he still thought of them as brothers. His eyes filled with tears as Cas moved back before he spoke.

“That is what he really said. Dean has been searching for you all this time. The guilt he carried just about killed him. He’s been drinking heavily and going on dangerous hunts alone. It's like he was punishing himself. He’s lucky his injuries haven’t killed him.” Cas told Sam. “Bobby wanted me to be sure you came home with your brother.”

Sam only nodded, not trusting his voice at the moment as he looked down at his brother. He cupped Dean’s cheek for a moment before getting up to strip the other bed of the comforter, folding it into a pallet and positioning it at the end of the bed. He pulled the blanket off the bed and grabbed a pillow to make his bed.

“I’m gonna get some sleep.” he mumbled before kicking off his boots and settling down on the comforter on the floor. What Cas told him bounced around in his head as he tried to make sense of it.

“Very well, I will wait over here until you both wake up.” Cas told him sitting down on a love seat across from the beds. He was not letting Sam out of his sight now that he was back. Bobby had made it very clear to him to bring Sam back conscious or unconscious, didn’t matter to him. Castiel studied Sam’s sleeping body closely and puzzled over him. He wasn’t sure why he was sleeping on the floor when he had a useable bed right there. There was something different about him that he couldn’t understand. He looked healthy, tanned, but there was a sense of calmness and peace about him that was not there before. But something had changed about him that he could not put his finger on.

spn

It was early the next morning that Dean started to slowly come around with a sudden need to pee. He cracked his bloodshot eyes and saw he was in his motel room. How he got here he didn’t know, but that had been happening over the past months. Dean pushed the covers off him and grimaced at the foul, nasty taste in his mouth. He swayed as the room spun and he took a step toward the bathroom.

“Dean wait....” Castiel said trying to warn him.

One of Dean’s foot kicked a boot and the other stepped on another causing him to loss his already off balance and pivoted him around to land partly on the end of the bed and gracefully fall off onto the sleeping body of his brother. It couldn’t have been performed any perfectly if it had been choreographed for him. He felt his body falling but was in no shape to stop himself and he just went with it waiting to hit the hard floor when he fell onto something solid, but softer than the floor that started moving.

“Wha..Dea’ bo’y...” Dean slurred trying to push off whatever he was laying on as quickly as he could.

“Not dead.” Sam wheezed, physically lifting and moving Dean off him so he could breath again. Dean had knocked the breath out of him and almost kneed him in his privates. 

Dean rolled over and tried to push himself up staring in shock and disbelief at what looked like his brother raising up on his elbow to look at him. He struggled and yelled out trying to get to his feet.

“Not real!” Dean cried hoarsely pushing himself away from Sam fear etched across his face. “No! No!” 

Dean’s fog covered mind couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing in front of him. His only thoughts were it was a hallucination from being falling down drunk or he was being haunted by his brother’s spirit. Either way he couldn’t process what was happening right now and it was overloading his mind to the point of him completely losing it.

“Dean!” Cas called to him trying to get his attention. He stepped to him and reached down to grab the front of his shirt and easily jerk him from the floor and pull him into the bathroom. Castiel had seen Bobby do this to Dean on several occasions to sober him up. He pushed him into the shower and turned on the cold water full blast. Dean jerked and started cussing as Castiel held him steadily under the spray, letting it soak his clothes and hopefully sober him up. 

spn

Sam got up and sat on the edge of the bed as he watched Cas drag his brother into the bathroom. He stared down at the floor and reached for his boots, slipping them on and tying them before getting up to retrieve his jacket from the chair. He put it on and walked slowly toward the door picking up his pack before opening the door to leave. This wasn’t going well and he didn’t feel he should stay and upset his brother further. Sam’s shoulders slumped as he walked toward the front of the motel watching the first fingers of a new day chasing away the night. Sam stopped at the road and looked left and then right trying to decide which way to go. He was a couple miles from the bus station so he turned to head that way figuring to get the next available bus to wherever it was going. At the moment he didn’t care just as long as it was away from here. He fought the tears that blurred his vision and clenched his jaw trying not to cry. Sam was trying to accept maybe he didn't belong with his brother anymore.

spn

The first icy fingers of cold water hit Dean in the face making him sputter and start to fight the steely grip holding him. He slapped out and started cussing as his clothes became soaked and clung to his body making him shiver uncontrollably. He tried to talk but couldn’t get out anything but gurgling and coughing as he spat out the cold water that filled his mouth before he could turn his head. He finally gave up struggling, to weak to continue and just stood there until he heard a voice talking to him.

“Why don’t you wash the stink off of you and come out and talk to your brother?” Castiel asked releasing his grip and turning on the hot water to warm the spray as Dean grabbed for the handicap bar to hold himself up.

Castiel stepped back into the main room to speak to Sam but when he looked around he couldn’t find him. He stepped to the bed and saw his boots were gone and so was the pack that was sitting at the door. He stomped to the door and went outside looking around the parking lot for Sam. He saw the Impala was still parked in front of the room and unless he jacked a car, he was on foot. The angel hurried to the front of the motel and looked up and down the road in search of the missing Winchester. He was not letting him disappear again now that he was back. Castiel had promised Bobby he would bring him back and he intended on keeping that promise. He began to walk down the road looking for any signs of Sam. When he came to an intersection, Castiel paused to look each way and caught a glimpse of someone just turning the corner and disappeared. 

Sam had his head down looking at the sidewalk and didn’t see Castiel standing in front of him until he bounced off him. 

“Sorry my fault.” Sam mumbled starting to step around the person without looking at him.

“Sam, where are you going?” Castiel asked stepping in his path again.

“Cas?” Sam questioned taking a step back and looking at him in surprise. 

“You need to come back to the room.” 

“No, Dean doesn’t want to see me.” Sam said sadly trying to get around Cas. 

“Dean was still drunk and confused, please Sam.” Cas begged laying a hand Sam’s arm. 

“I don’t...” Sam sighed blowing out a hard breath. “I can’t...” he tried to explain.

Before Sam could say anything else, Castiel gripped his arm tighter and they disappeared from the sidewalk and reappeared inside the motel room.

spn

He wiped the water from his face and stared at Cas as what he said sunk in. He had said his brother. Could it be possible that he wasn’t hallucinating and Sam was in the other room? Cas had already stepped from the room before he could ask him more. Dean worked at unbuttoning his shirt and working his arms from the sleeves, letting it drop into the tub. He steadied himself so he could pull his tee shirt over his head and let it drop on top of the other shirt. Using the bar for support he got his jeans undone and pushed them down his legs until he could step out of them and moving them with his foot so he wouldn’t fall over them. He got his socks off and stood under the warmer water letting it slowly bring up his body temperature. He turned it slightly hotter before reaching for the soap to wash his body. Once he was done, he upped the water as hot as he could stand it to try and sweat the rest of the booze out of his body. If his brother was out there and that was a big if, he wanted to be sober so he could think clearly. He ached all over and his ankle hurt when he put a lot of weight on it, but other than that he was ok. He turned the water off and dried his body and cinched the towel over his hips so he could step out to get some dry clothes. 

spn

Sam stumbled slightly from the sudden movement and grunted madly when he saw he was back in the motel room. He jerked his arm from Cas’s grasp and stepped to the door to leave again only to find he couldn’t open it. He pulled and jerked on the door knob but it wouldn’t budge. Sam turned back around to glare at Cas when the bathroom door opened and Dean stood in the doorway fresh from the shower holding a towel around his waist. They stared at each other one in disbelief and uncertainty; the other in sadness and guilt. Sam’s eyes took in the new scars that stood out on Dean’s chest and arm as neither one spoke and the silence seemed eerie. Sam couldn’t look away from him as he bit his lower lip, not sure what to do. Dean wasn’t breathing as things around him seemed to blur and he felt lightheaded.

“Here.” Castiel spoke pushing Dean’s duffle into his arms. “Put some clothes on.” he continued pushing him back into the bathroom and closing the door. “Why don’t you make coffee Sam? Your brother is going to need some.” Cas directed at Sam who hadn’t moved from the front door. “Please.” he said softer. 

Sam huffed once and dropped his pack back at the door and stepped to the dresser where a coffee pot stood. He pulled the pot out and held it for a moment before stating.

“No water.” Sam said holding the pot out.

“Ok.” Cas said snapping his fingers and putting water into the pot.

Sam looked at the water as it moved gently in the pot for a moment and turned to pour it into the tank. He found the prepackaged coffee in a filter and slipped it in before turning it on. He stood there waiting for the coffee to start dripping taking in the smell of it percolating. He took in the aroma as he stood with his back to Cas and the bathroom door. He didn’t want to be looking when Dean came back out. He couldn’t take the lost, dead look he had in his eyes. Sam heard the bathroom door open back up and stiffened but didn’t turn around. He waited in silence to see what Dean was going to do.

“Is it really you?” his brother’s voice asked quietly close by. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” Sam replied turning slowly to see Dean dressed in jeans and tee shirt standing near the middle of the room staring at him with uncertainty and threads of hope woven together.

“Sammy?...” Dean whispered taking another unsteady step toward him. He licked his lips as he took in his brother’s form. He almost didn’t recognize him; Sam looked buff and tanned. He took in the way too long hair and beard as his eyes swept over him and back up to his face. This was Sam, his Sam, not the demon’s Sam but his looking almost like before he had gone to hell and yet better. His vision blurred with hot tears as he awkwardly stepped closer wanting to feel his brother so he could convince himself he wasn’t dreaming, that it was real. “Bitch...” he said softly into Sam’s ear as he wrapped his arms around a solid body. It didn’t matter that tears were running down his cheeks and he was quietly sobbing into his brother’s neck. 

“Hey Dean...” Sam answered moving from his position toward his brother. He blinked quickly to stop the tears when suddenly Dean’s arms were around him in a bear hug and he clung to his brother and let the tears fall. He heard him whisper their word and responded in such, “Jerk...” Sam mumbled back to him as he held him up feeling his body trembling slightly in his grasp. He could feel Dean’s hand moving up and down his back and up to his long hair and back down like he was trying to be sure he was there and real. Sam felt Dean’s sobs against his chest and shushed him massaging his neck gently trying to comfort him.

“Anyone want coffee?” Castiel asked innocently from where he stood nearby not sure what he should do. He knew the brothers needed to reunite and come to terms with everything that had happened. “Should...I get some food?” he questioned looking at the two brothers.

“Yeah Cas, food would be good.” Sam told him when he saw Dean couldn’t answer. He wiped his tears on a sleeve but didn’t let go of his brother for fear he would fall. He watched Cas disappear and began to back Dean toward the beds so they could sit down. “Let’s sit.” he urged Dean letting his legs hit the bed and bend at the knees. He lowered him to the bed and sat down beside him with his arm still resting on Dean’s shoulder.

“I-I didn’t say...that.” Dean finally got out looking into Sam’s eyes.

“It’s ok, Cas showed me Dee. I know.” Sam told him softly as he squeezed his shoulder. He eyes showed his forgiveness and understanding knowing words weren’t enough. “We’re good.” 

They sat in silence as each gathered their thoughts and got their emotions under control. Dean wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt and drew in some shaky breaths so he could talk. He watched Sam pull his hair back out of the way and smirked slightly.

“I really need a pair of scissors to cut that hair.”

“You ain’t gettin’ near me with a pair of scissors.” Sam half chuckled and argued with him. 

“Sammy, what happened to you?” Dean asked cautiously. 

Sam puffed out his cheeks and drew in a deep breath because he had been waiting for that question. He looked down at his boots but still kept a hand on Dean’s shoulder wanting to assure him this was real. 

“I ran.” he finally said looking up when Cas appeared back in the room with two bags of food. “Look, I know you want to know what happened, think it can wait ‘til we get back to Bobby’s so I only have to tell it once? Besides, foods here, let’s eat while it’s hot.” 

“You’re not gonna go disappearin’ again are you?” Dean questioned him with a hint of fear in his voice.

“No, I won’t leave.” Sam assured him as they stood together to move to the table where Cas was setting out food. 

“I got some of everything.” Cas told them. “I wasn’t sure what you would want.”

“Thanks Cas.” Dean replied sitting in a chair at the table. 

Sam took off his jacket and tossed it to the bed as he joined Dean at the table. He sat to his left and looked at the food Cas had bought in surprise. He was right, he did get a little of everything. 

“Sam, what’s that on your neck? Is that a tattoo?” Dean asked when he noticed the strange markings in a blue/grey ink on Sam’s neck below his ear and continued under his shirt. He knew Sam didn’t have that the last time he saw him. 

“What? This?” Sam asked putting a couple of fingers on the marking and feeling the slightly raised skin under them. 

“I have never seen this language before?” Cas said stepping to Sam and pulling the neck of his tee shirt and long sleeved shirt back to see it continued. 

“Personal space Cas.” Sam fussed a little pulling back from him. “It was given to me by a friend.” he said not giving any further information.

Dean looked at him as Sam opened a salad and looked at it before picking up some dressing to put on it. Besides the hair and beard, there was something changed about Sam. He seemed more at ease and there was an air of confidence surrounding him. He seemed in total control of himself but still alluded a subtle air of danger. This was the first time he had ever seen his brother like this and wondered just where he had been and who he had been with. It worried him that even Cas didn’t know what that tattoo meant, if it was a tat, it was like none he had ever seen. He opened a burger and focused on it trying to decide if his stomach would tolerate the grease yet. 

“You gonna be able to handle that?” Sam asked him when he saw his hesitation.

“Yeah, that cold shower sobered me up pretty good.” he said casting a glance at Cas who hovered nearby watching them. Well Sam it seemed more than him. He picked up the burger and took a bite, savoring the taste as he chewed. Cas had brought drinks and he sipped on one, hearing his stomach gurgle and couldn’t stop the sudden burp that came out. “Excuse me, hadn’t really ate much in a while.” 

“Just take it easy.” Sam cautioned him. “Don’t think it will taste as good coming back up.”

“Don’t I know it.” he agreed taking another bite, smaller this time. He watched Sam looking at his food as if studying it before finally putting it in his mouth to eat it. Sam had always been picky but it seemed more...Noticeable now. He didn’t know what Sam had gone through, but he had to admit, it seemed to have made him stronger.

They finished their meal and packed to head back to Bobby’s. Sam drove, Dean dozed in the passenger seat and Cas sat in the back watching both brothers closely. He even went with Sam to the restroom when they stopped for gas making Sam look at him strangely. Cas planned on keeping his promise to get him back to Bobby’s so he wasn’t giving he any chance to leave. Luckily the drive back was less than four hours and they made good time cutting it down to three and a half. Sam looked happily at the salvage yard as Dean pulled through the gates and slowly drove the car to the front door to park. Dean didn’t even have the Impala turned off before the front door was open and Bobby stepped from the house looking their way. 

spn

Sam stepped from the car and looked toward the porch to see the grisly hunter he thought of as a second father standing on the porch waiting for him. He stepped that way a small smile on his face, walking up the steps to the man. 

“Hey Bobby.” Sam said gently before Bobby pulled him into a hug that took his breath away. 

“Son! You’re a sight for sore eyes.” he told Sam, pushing him back to look at him. He took in the long hair and beard and the huge grin on his face. “Well c’mon you three get on in here.” 

“I’ll get your bags.” Cas said to Dean as he climbed the steps, stopping beside his brother. 

“Good to see you too son.” Bobby told him throwing an arm around his shoulder and patting him on the back. He walked both of them into the house bursting with pride to have both his boys home and safe once again.

“Who wants coffee? Or I can find something a little stronger.”

“Coffee’s good. Think I’ll lay off the stronger stuff for a while.” Dean told him giving Sam a knowing look. 

“Glad to hear that boy.” Bobby nodded going to the coffee pot and pouring three cups of coffee, doctoring one for Sam. He carried them to the table and sat them down pushing one toward each brother. They accepted the cups and sipped on the hot liquid. Cas joined them a few minutes later after taking Dean’s duffle and Sam’s pack up to their bedroom. He took a seat at the table waiting quietly.

“Ok, we’re all here.” Dean finally said. “Wanna tell us what happened?” 

Sam looked into his cup of coffee as he worked on choosing his words wisely. They did deserve to know his story. 

“When the car wrecked, I got out and ran into the woods.” he started. “I saw Cas kill Ruby and thought he might do the same to me.”

“Sam, I would never harm...” Cas started upset with his words.

“Easy Cas, let’s let him talk before any questions are asked.” Dean said to Cas who stopped talking and sat back in the chair miffed. 

“I had a concussion, bruised ribs and some minor scraps and scratches. I went as far as I could in the dark and tripped, rolling down a hill unconscious. I don’t know how long I lay there before coming to and I continued deeper into the forest until I could go no further and collapsed. I was found by a wise and powerful Shaman and she took me to her shelter. She nursed me back to health; she saved me. I called her Sun, since she said I wouldn’t be able to pronounce her true name. She was able to take away the blood lust I had. Sun was a Shaman for the ancient ones, had been for a long time. The Shaman before Sun found her lost and dying in the woods, took her in and she was accepted by the ancestors to be the next Shaman. She was trained in the ways of the People and taught all their secrets. She lives off the land and some trading with other tribe members. Her land is protected from all and none enters without her allowing it. I guess that’s why no one could find me. I asked her to teach me what she was allowed. She was filled with so much knowledge, it was unbelievable. She helped to heal my body as well as my soul and gave me a new perceptive on life. As far as the tattoo, I guess you could call it, is a sign to others that I am under the protection of the People and her. I knew it was time to leave and come back, Sun knew it too and encouraged me to face my demons. So it was sheer luck that I saw the Impala and found you in that bar. And here I am.” Sam said with a sigh draining the last of his coffee. “Anyone want more?” he asked getting up and going to the pot. 

Dean, Bobby and Cas looked at each other as they weighted what Sam had told them. They waited until Sam came back to the table and sat back down. 

“What tattoo?” Bobby asked before anyone else said anything.

Sam stood and unbuttoned his shirt to slip it off and caught his tee shirt by the hem and pulled it off revealing just how lean and muscular he was now. Dean looked at Sam’s upper body with arched eyebrows as Sam turned to show Bobby the markings.

“This.” he said sitting back down and turning so they could see.

All three stared openly at the marking seeing how intricate and ancient it looked. Bobby studied it, wondering what powers it held and what language it was in. Sam waited another minute before replacing his tee shirt, feeling a little uncomfortable unclothed. 

“I am so sorry Sam.” Dean said slowly. “If I...”

“No, stop it Dean. None of what happened to me was your fault.” Sam told him cutting him off before he could finish. 

“I need to do something in the study, Cas can you give me a hand?” Bobby said feeling this conservation should be done in private without an audience. He got up and pulled the angel with him, leaving the brothers alone in the kitchen. 

“What is it we need to do?” Cas asked as Bobby pulled him out of the room.

“Dean, I’m serious.” Sam continued glad that Bobby and Cas left. “We were both manipulated and led to believe lies. They wanted us at odds, to turn against each other. What you said when we fought...”

“Sam, I was angry and hurt thinking you had chosen a demon over me, your own brother. I lost my temper and wasn't thinking straight.” 

“When you died and went to hell, I was lost. I was naive and stupid and the demons saw that. They played on my need for revenge against Lilith because she sent you to hell. I let my ego and pride blind me to what was really going on. I’m to blame too. Please Dean, I forgive you, you gotta forgive yourself. Sun showed me life is too short to let our anger and guilt overcome us and take over our lives. It happened, it’s in the past, let’s leave it there. She told me to listen to my heart and it would guide me; she was right. We are brothers and will always be brothers, we are family.” Sam said earnestly. 

“I meant it when I said I wasn’t Dad and no matter how bad it gets, I’ll be there for you Sammy. We’re so much stronger together than we ever were apart. That much I know.” Dean told him.

“Are we good?” Sam asked him looking deep into his eyes.

“Yeah Sammy, we’re good. No matter what is ahead of us, we’ll face it together.”

“Together bro.” Sam agreed holding out his hand for Dean to clasp which he did. They smiled at each other knowing it didn’t matter that it was them against the world, they were ready to face it now.

The End


End file.
